random

1. i have one of THOSE zits that hurts like a mofo and is just sitting there, taunting me as it causes most of the left side of my face to throb. i'm 38. i should not be having zits still. it's not fair, dammit.

2. i've started running on the treadmill at the Y. i am so NOT graceful that it is ridiculous. these wee, lithe women sprint effortlessly and silently along on their treadmills while i give the impression that a herd of small african animals are charging toward the watering hole. maybe i need new shoes??? yes, that must be it.

3. my kids have a puking virus. sam started it and passed it to jay and then five. and of the three kids--sam is the super puker. he woke from a dead sleep and went straight to the bathroom, puked, got a drink, and went back to sleep. no huge drama, no vomit onthe floor. just did his thing. he's 6. jay? puked all over the sunroom carpet, which required us to rent a carpet cleaner. he's 8. five? he threw up in a bucket and then proceeded to bring the bucket outside to show me and w. while we were at the neighbors. and then, later, after he'd thrown up again and made such a ruckus i was sure an internal organ had been regurgitated, begged me to take him to the doctor because he 'obviously' had a life-threatening illness. yeah, whatever buddy. he's 14.

4. if i get the puke virus, i'm going to be pissed off if for no other reason because i ate a protein bar today (EAS Advant Edge carb control chocolate creme) which was 1.79 and i'll be pissed off if i throw it up without getting the 21g of protein.

5. today is five's birthday. i am simply not old enough to have a 14-year-old child. i have acne, for god's sake. where did the time go?

6. i wanted some sugar-free ice cream last night and my kroger didn't have any. wtf? i can get edy's sf butter pecan at walgreen's--everyone's source for ice cream products-- but KROGER doesn't carry it? so now i get to pay walgreen's prices if i want to eat it.

7. my classroom is the biggest wreck you can imagine. it is going to take days to straighten thanks to blind, illiterate prisoners who put our stuff back in our rooms after the floors were cleaned.

8. where are all of my socks? where, where, where.

9. i have yet another skort with hidden, mystery shorts. it's very comfy--goodwill, thank you, a liz claiborne. this one has a much more complicated entry, but it looks like a cute wrap around skirt when on. i need a tan t-shirt. i've been wearing white, but tan would look better.

10. jay is the whiniest child in the western hemisphere--8-year-olds annoy me.

How Did You Wake Up Today?

I was pulled from a very sound sleep by Jay yelling every mother's favorite words: MOM, I PUKED!

Thinking back, I actually think I heard Jay puke, but I wasn't awake enough to process it. When he screeched his announcement, though, I was suddenly wide awake. I ran to his room to see him kneeling on his top bunk and a big puke puddle visible. He was sort of frantic and I couldn't get him to focus on getting down-he just said he felt weird. He's way too big for me to pick up and pull off the bunk, so he sat there for a few seconds, shaking his head. And then...

More puking.

All over his bed again. And I saw it. Lovely. And he woke Sam up. He felt instantly better, though, and somehow I got the sheet off the corner and he was able to start climbing down. Sam yelped from the bottom bunk that puke had dripped on his head. Moved him to the other end of his bed and worked on getting the sheet off, Jay moved, etc. Jay felt fine after the vomit. No troubles. Rinsed his mouth and I went about setting him up in my bed.

Once he was in, I realized I'd left the light on in their room, so I went to turn it off. Sam was awake and staring at the doorway. I asked him what was wrong. He said, "I can hear puke dripping down on my bed and it is freaking me out." Pleasant. I didn't see it, but sent him on to my bed, too. He got up between W. and Jay and I set about changing my clothes so I could take up residence on the couch. I had the bathroom door closed, when I heard W. yell, "Open the door!" I threw it open and made room for Jay, only to see Sam whizzing in and hanging over the toilet. About the time Jay said, "He's just faking", Sam unleashed.

More puking.

The volume was incredible considering the child only ate one slice of pizza and drank maybe one glass of milk. I was rather dumbfounded. I was also very proud. Sam is such a good puker; there was barely any mess on the toilet. I've trained him well. Once he was done, he rinsed and wiped and declared himself better.

So now, 45 minutes and three pukes later, I'm lying on the couch and W. and the two spewers are back in my room sleeping, hopefully. They both ate meatlovers pizza from Papa John's for dinner last night. As I left the room, I asked W. if he ate any of theirs. He didn't answer. It dawned on me when I settled in that I did eat the toppings off of one piece. Am hopeful that my rapid digestive system has somehow been spared--I think I would have already been sick by now, surely. Hopefully.