When you have a giant black brace on your leg, I don't care how cute your clothes are or how perfect your hair and makeup are, you look like a schlub.
At age 39 things that would have been hilariously entertaining at a bar when you were 20 are simply obnoxiously self-serving attention whoring.
I do not enjoy strange men putting their hands on my shoes.
Sometimes a cake CAN have too much icing.
Just because someone is famous, she is not automatically a good public speaker.
No one ever told me how much time grading papers the right way actually takes.
If Sam isn't hungry because his stomach feels sort of weird, do NOT let him drink grape soda.
Sometimes popcorn can make things better.
Stitches itch like hell after a week or so.
Even if she is beautiful, there's something really distressing about being told you look just like your mom did 20 years ago.
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