Is There Really a Market for These?

So, I've been watching a lot of television since my most recent knee-related surgical intervention (the Demerol allows me the temporary delusion that I don't USUALLY watch several hours of television per night) , and since I watch almost nothing but cabl--specifically TNT, USA, Bravo, MSNBC and truTV--, I see a lot of second tier advertising, and the product of the moment seems to be Barack Obama plates and coins. Who, pray tell, is buying the multitudes of dollars, half dollars and other Liberian legal tender brandished with full color images of Barack Obama? I say multitudes, but that might be hyperbole on my part since the ever-so persuasive voiceover man assures me that there will only be "65 firing days before the molds are destroyed"--this has such an air of finality to it, don't you think? I suppose it's supposed to make me frantically pick up the phone and get my order in before the chance has passed...hold it. I just took a moment and did the math and the 65th day passed sometime around January 8 or 9...that makes the end of days for ordering seem that much nearer.

Sidenote: I'm not very good at exact numbers, which should demonstrate exactly why I suck ass in the math department, forgive me, Joy Parker, please, forgive me. It's not your fault. I blame Mr. Anthony and his constant threats about "building a barn" as he thwacked his paddle menacingly his hand that basically caused me to go into total mental shutdown when I walked into math class in 5th grade...and wtf did "building a barn" mean, exactly?

Anyway, middle school moment aside, what to do, what to do. I'm as big a fan of Obama as the next person...okay, not Kari because she harbors unclean thoughts about him, but the average fiscally conservative, socially liberal, almost-middle-aged, suburban America old, fat white chick, and for the life of me I can't figure out what the draw is. Not even the promise of receiving a signed Certificate of Authenticity AND an attractive bonus display stand can make me take the plunge and plunk down the $19.99 required to hang Obama on china on my dining room wall. This is me assuming, of course, that one displays decorative political dishware in one's dining room. And does the certificate ensure the plate will hold its resale value on the resale market? And is there a viable secondary market for Obamania plates and coins? I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on the present-day equivalent to the Apple IPO. Will I be kicking myself for not securing a piece of American history?

Sweet Jesus, hold the phone, I've found the motherlode! A website that sells both 'collectibles of the highest quality", the coin AND The Historic Victory Plate, which features

a priceless work of art featuring the triumphant President-Elect surrounded by the American flag and spectacular fireworks celebration.

Well, if the fireworks don't seal the deal for you, then you're just unAmerican (not a big threat for many of you since according to various folks on FOX, you're already unAmerican because you voted for Obama and against the constitution, the flag (pins and all) and Jesus). Keep in mind that "due to the unprecedented demand there is a strict limit of two per caller, so give your kids the CC# and a phone so they can get their orders in quick, too. Oh, damn, all sarcasm aside, I see that the website has the "As Seen on TV" logo and that gives me pause. While others may mock and jeer, I'm a longtime fan of the ASOTV products...old-time friends may remember the Pasta Pro Cooker that Five gave me when he was about 7 and, say what you want, the most ingenious personal grooming product of the 21st century, the Ped Egg, is a staple in the ASOTV catalog of fine products. Could the plate and coin REALLY be that bad after all? Perhaps they ARE truly a deal to be considered?......oh, wait...

This first collectors issue plate celebrates with the inscription "Change Has Come" scripted in 22K Gold text. The back displays the seal of the American Historic Society and documents the historic electoral and popular vote totals on election day.

And like that, the bloom is off the rose. Dear Mr. Marketing Director for the American historic Society, if you can't use apostrophes correctly? Don't expect me to take your investment advice seriously.