Is There Really a Market for These?

So, I've been watching a lot of television since my most recent knee-related surgical intervention (the Demerol allows me the temporary delusion that I don't USUALLY watch several hours of television per night) , and since I watch almost nothing but cabl--specifically TNT, USA, Bravo, MSNBC and truTV--, I see a lot of second tier advertising, and the product of the moment seems to be Barack Obama plates and coins. Who, pray tell, is buying the multitudes of dollars, half dollars and other Liberian legal tender brandished with full color images of Barack Obama? I say multitudes, but that might be hyperbole on my part since the ever-so persuasive voiceover man assures me that there will only be "65 firing days before the molds are destroyed"--this has such an air of finality to it, don't you think? I suppose it's supposed to make me frantically pick up the phone and get my order in before the chance has passed...hold it. I just took a moment and did the math and the 65th day passed sometime around January 8 or 9...that makes the end of days for ordering seem that much nearer.

Sidenote: I'm not very good at exact numbers, which should demonstrate exactly why I suck ass in the math department, forgive me, Joy Parker, please, forgive me. It's not your fault. I blame Mr. Anthony and his constant threats about "building a barn" as he thwacked his paddle menacingly his hand that basically caused me to go into total mental shutdown when I walked into math class in 5th grade...and wtf did "building a barn" mean, exactly?

Anyway, middle school moment aside, what to do, what to do. I'm as big a fan of Obama as the next person...okay, not Kari because she harbors unclean thoughts about him, but the average fiscally conservative, socially liberal, almost-middle-aged, suburban America old, fat white chick, and for the life of me I can't figure out what the draw is. Not even the promise of receiving a signed Certificate of Authenticity AND an attractive bonus display stand can make me take the plunge and plunk down the $19.99 required to hang Obama on china on my dining room wall. This is me assuming, of course, that one displays decorative political dishware in one's dining room. And does the certificate ensure the plate will hold its resale value on the resale market? And is there a viable secondary market for Obamania plates and coins? I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on the present-day equivalent to the Apple IPO. Will I be kicking myself for not securing a piece of American history?

Sweet Jesus, hold the phone, I've found the motherlode! A website that sells both 'collectibles of the highest quality", the coin AND The Historic Victory Plate, which features

a priceless work of art featuring the triumphant President-Elect surrounded by the American flag and spectacular fireworks celebration.

Well, if the fireworks don't seal the deal for you, then you're just unAmerican (not a big threat for many of you since according to various folks on FOX, you're already unAmerican because you voted for Obama and against the constitution, the flag (pins and all) and Jesus). Keep in mind that "due to the unprecedented demand there is a strict limit of two per caller, so give your kids the CC# and a phone so they can get their orders in quick, too. Oh, damn, all sarcasm aside, I see that the website has the "As Seen on TV" logo and that gives me pause. While others may mock and jeer, I'm a longtime fan of the ASOTV products...old-time friends may remember the Pasta Pro Cooker that Five gave me when he was about 7 and, say what you want, the most ingenious personal grooming product of the 21st century, the Ped Egg, is a staple in the ASOTV catalog of fine products. Could the plate and coin REALLY be that bad after all? Perhaps they ARE truly a deal to be considered?......oh, wait...

This first collectors issue plate celebrates with the inscription "Change Has Come" scripted in 22K Gold text. The back displays the seal of the American Historic Society and documents the historic electoral and popular vote totals on election day.

And like that, the bloom is off the rose. Dear Mr. Marketing Director for the American historic Society, if you can't use apostrophes correctly? Don't expect me to take your investment advice seriously.

Politics

Once upon a time, I was a Republican. I admit this now to offer hope to those who have not yet seen the light. I was not just a little Republican, either. I was a vote-the-ticket, Democrats-are-evil, hate-everything-about-Bill-Clinton 100 percent GOP voter. I did this because I was raised in a Republican household and because I was really a one or two issue voter--lower my taxes and quit giving my money to lazy people who use food stamps and welfare. All of this changed when I became a fan of reality tv...Survivor to be specific. An odd leap, you say? Well, yes. Yes it was, but I can say with absolute confidence that what turned my thinking around was the thoughtful and persuasive writing of some really smart Survivor watchers.

Many of my bloggy friends know what OT is because they have hung out there too, but for those who don't, it's the Off Topic board on Reality TV World. Like most off topic forums, a little bit of everything gets discussed and on OT, politics is somewhat of a bloodsport. I went in a staunch Republican and came away a moderate Democrat thanks in no small part to reading the postings--civil and not--from landru, tech noir, mistofleas, buggy, dave, history detective, wheezy and countless others. I was able, for the first time in my adult life, to really look at things from a different perspective. Over the course of a year or so, I found myself changing sides and now consider myself a Democrat, albeit a moderate to conservative one when it comes to taxes and money.

All of that is background to explain this: Rush Limbaugh is a big fat obnoxious dummy. Bill O'Reilly makes me want to scream. Sean Hannity scares me. And my parents watch nothing but Fox news...blech. I've been really disgusted to see how the talking nimrods have reacted to Obama's first week in office. It saddens me to see that some adults simply can't put away the childish things and work together to achieve a common good. Shame on them. Shame, shame, shame.

Random

When you have a giant black brace on your leg, I don't care how cute your clothes are or how perfect your hair and makeup are, you look like a schlub.

At age 39 things that would have been hilariously entertaining at a bar when you were 20 are simply obnoxiously self-serving attention whoring.

I do not enjoy strange men putting their hands on my shoes.

Sometimes a cake CAN have too much icing.

Just because someone is famous, she is not automatically a good public speaker.

No one ever told me how much time grading papers the right way actually takes.

If Sam isn't hungry because his stomach feels sort of weird, do NOT let him drink grape soda.

Sometimes popcorn can make things better.

Stitches itch like hell after a week or so.

Even if she is beautiful, there's something really distressing about being told you look just like your mom did 20 years ago.

Grand Plan 2009

Resolutions are so '08, aren't they? And who the hell actually carries through with them anyway? I'm going to focus instead on creating a sort of roadmap for myself for 2009.

1. Distance myself from toxic people. This one may be a smidge harder than it sounds since by all accounts, I'm the most toxic person in my life, but I shall strive to limit the power that the negative folks have over me.
2. When I resist change ask myself WWPFD? This is an acronym for What Would Pxx Fxxxxx Do? PF is a woman that I used to work with who was like a human Eeyore. Change was always bad. Everyone else's ideas were always bad. It was as if she couldn't find anything positive in an idea unless it was hers. I've found myself taking on this attitude lately and it was sobering. From now on it's WWPFD? and then Kim does the opposite.
3. Read more intellectually stimulating material. As much as I enjoy reading NYMag or various gossipy sites and the Bravo blogs, I've simply got to refine my reading before I turn into one of those lameass people who can list all the current socialites or identify Top Chef dish creators by simply looking at a plate of food. When I'm more up-to-date on current pop culture and gossip than my senior English class, we have a problem.
4. Resume some form of healthy movement. Walking to and from the fridge carrying a laptop isn't going to pull my ass up off my mid-thigh and far too many of my clothing items are becoming sausage casingesque.
5. Interact more. I've become a virtual and literal hermit. My idea of the perfect evening is to climb in my bed with my laptop and remote control and just tune out for two or three hours before falling asleep. Needless to say this does nothing for my social life.

And now I'm off to haul giant bags of trash to the dump so I can begin working on my second list--Things That I Must Do to Maintain Sanity and Marriage in 2009. That list will bear striking resemblence to a chore chart and a menu :-0.