"I'd give my right arm for that"...NOT

For ages, that used to be one of my favorite hyperbole expressions. At random times I've offered my right arm to have a snow day, be able to wear a size 6, go to NYC, find the remote control, etc. I never really thought too much about such an expression until three weeks ago when BAM! I couldn't use my right arm. Well, I can still use it, but I can't raise it, extend it, lift heavy weight or control it like normal. Needless to say it was a bit of a freak-out for me.

For years--at least since the late 90s, I've had mystery back pain that would come and go and generally make my life hell. I've also what I thought was arthritis in my hands, carpal tunnel, undetermined back pain that made standing painful and constant feelings that I was 'carrying' all my stress in my neck. I've moaned and groaned online for a decade--no one could ever tell me what was wrong. I've had, in no particular order:

MRI-brain, lumbar back, cervical spine, thoracic spine, some three time
Nuclear bone scan
CT scan
xrays of every angle of my back and neck
nerve conduction studies three times
chiropractic and massage therapy
cervical traction
e-stimulation, including my own portable TENS unit for a year
ultrasound
exploratory lap surgery
colonoscopy
gall bladder tests, all types, x2

I've seen GP, neuro, bone and physical therapists. I've been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and cervical stenosis as well as arthritis. No real plan of attack, nor treatment has EVER worked. I've tried every drug in the book:
lortab
mepergen
demerol
darvocet
skelaxin
soma
flexiril
tizanidine
topamax
neurontin
amytriptilline
steroid packs
baclofen

And who knows what I've left off the list. At this point, my memory is also shot.

Around 7 or 8 years ago or so, I was told about the stenosis--this was after the first round of auto-immune testing. I have all those tests done two or three times. At that time, I was told that it might be something that required surgery when I was in my late 50s, early 60s. Ha! I'll be 40 years, 3 months when I get to have my surgery. I'll be having an anterior cervical discectomy :

Your spinal cord is supposed to be protected from the bones, but mine isn't. THe illustration shows healthy on the left and stenosis on the right--the white ring around the nerves is mashed in this illustration. In my MRI? the white ring is essentially gone.

So three weeks ago, I had trouble moving my arm, my neck was really stiff again, etc., Then just like a switch was turned off, I couldn't lift my arm past about my rib cage. I couldn't lift it to write on the board. I couldn't raise it to push the auto door button in my van. Couldn't reach the shampoo, much less wash my hair. That's scary as hell. The pain was something that was off the charts, too. I've never, even waking up post-op from knee surgery or trying to walk after the frist c-section--had this kind of intense pain. And it was non-stop for three weeks with almost no relief via meds or heat. When I finally was able to see the doctor who cleared up the mystery--Dr. Wade--I was convinced that I had a ruptured disc. That's fixable, with or without surgery. When I met him, he said he wanted to examine me a bit before talking about the MRI and that worried me--I cannot tell you how many times I've met with doctors who say they understand I'm in pain, but they have no idea why. Nothing ever shows up or makes sense. I thought we were there again, so I said, "Take all the time in the world, but please tell me there's something on that MRI that is a big red flag." He said, "Oh, yes. There are some huge red flags." Relief is an understatement. I don't WANT to be hurt or sick, but I do want to be fixed. Now I can be fixed.

He explained the stenosis and the severity. Basically, my is very rapidly progressing and he's never run into a case this bad in someone as young as I am (I'll take young where I can get it). It's in two discs and they are essentially gone. Bone on cord. It is not something that will just heal itself with time--I would never get better than I am right now. That's sobering. To think that people lived with this kind of pain before surgery or MRIs is just frightening. No wonder there were opium dens. Sheesh. I've got to have the discs removed, bone grafts put in and my spine fused together to protect it. There is no guarantee that I will be pain-free, but there's about an 80 percent chance that I will. He is also concerned about the muscle loss in my arm and shoulder. He could feel some atrophying--scary. He said it may be two years before I get full use back. He said that the weakening has been happening for years, just undetected. He also said that my legs have the same weaknesses lingering and that the stenosis may have led to some of my knee troubles and my clumsiness.

I don't have carpal tunnel--it was just the stenosis acting up early on. All of this burning pain in my shoulder is just reminiscent of the pain I've had in various places in the past and attributed to other problems.


I don't like to be a burden on people. I don't like to ask for help. I am perfectly content to be lazy and useless all on my own--I don't need a medical reason to do so. The glimpse of what being somewhat crippled would be like is sobering,to say the least. I will spend my summer doing whatever it takes to get my arm back--24 months is unacceptable, but I'm starting to accept that it probably won't be back to 'normal' in a couple of weeks. I'm going to get the last of this weight off and research the hell out of nutrition and vitamins and bone strength. I am going to suck it up and spend the $$ on a personal trainer once I've been released so I can get my core strength where it should be to give me a better basis of support my stupid lunkhead which is obviously so full of knowledge and useless bits that it has strained my neck and caused all of this trouble in the first place.

Surgery is June 8, 7.30 a.m. at Maury Regional here in Columbia. I'll be in at least one night and then I'm going to let my mother-in-law fuss over me for a couple of days at her house. The boys will go to Chattanooga for a few weeks and W. will be here, helping me around working full-time and studying for his NCLEX (state nursing exam). Not the summer we had planned, but a busy one a per the norm.

I'm not going to post much detail-wise other place. I will direct those inquiries here because typing long passages is pretty rough on my shoulder and this took forever on its own. I should have realized something was wrong when it hurt to blog the past few months. That's why I've been so gone lately. It just hurts too much to do more than a paragraph or so.