I'm going to start blogging in March. I've been such a blog slacker lately, but I haven't really had much to say. I've been very wrapped up in myself and hermitesque. I'm determined to burst free from the chains of my warped brain and get back into life. I have upped the vitamins and I'm really TRYING to shake the depressive and oppressive mood that has been overtaking me.
I posted on another place that I'm bipolar. It's something that I've sort of dismissed for the most part because I've never really had the extreme highs or lows that are so often associated with bipolar. However, I'm starting realize that the mini-lows can be pretty damn crippling. I started sliding down in November, but it was so subtle that I didn't really pick up on it. I just stopped working out--bad knee, bad back. Lots of excuses. Then I started slacking off at work--papers piling up, less creative lesson planning, etc. Then I started eating sweets and junky carbs because of the holidays (my current holiday season is Leap Day, soon to blend into my birthday then St. Patricks Day, then Easter--the holiday season never ends for me). Then after I had the knee surgery, I stopped worrying about what I wore and my clothes are just in piles everywhere. I haven't done a thorough house cleainging in months. Then I stopped posting on blogs or boards and just sealed myself off. Suddenly, I'm realizing the magnitude of the change and the slide and it sort of freaks me out. I'd much rather be all ADHD/manic than like this.
So here's to a Manic March--only one where I don't spend much money. For the first time in ages, I haven't had to touch my savings account and I have a little money left over at the end of every two weeks, plus some 'mad money' stashed away. I feel very proud of myself for once when it comes to money.
I turn 39 very soon...too soon. That's one of those 'old' numbers that really unnerves me a bit. I feel as if I have a helluva lot to do in the next year because 40 is something of a new chapter. I don't want to leave this chapter unfinished...I just have to figure out exactly what the plot is going to be.
3 comments:
Oh, Kimmah! Your post really touched me personally. My older daughter (the one who cuts herself) was told she's ADHD and borderline bipolar. We've talked about what that slide into the Lows is like, and it can be devastating. As a dad, it has made me feel helpless at times.
I've shared some of your habits - the sweet and junk carb eating because of the holidays, and the desertion of my workouts first because of illness and then because of the upcoming surgery.
I've debated putting an end to the blogging because sometimes it feels so empty, but in the end, I need this contact with *these* particular people. I've been working hard to maintain these relationships as well as relationships with friends I see in my daily life because these are what keep me going.
39 was not hard for me. 47 will be much harder because that's the start of the "late 40's".
I hope you stick around. I would miss you. And by the way, congratulations about having some money left over. That's a significant accomplishment!
Cripes, how did I miss this?
Kim - you've got a bipolar buddy in me. I've been diagnosed for 5 years, and treated since then (read: therapy and medication), and at the moment, I've got a pretty tight grip on the disorder. The ups and downs suck. A lot. It takes getting used to. The trick is sensing when you're about to peak or fall. It gets easier to sense after a period of time.
Just letting you know, I'm there for you. I am ALWAYS there for you. You're an English teacher, I'm a wannabe English teacher. I aspire to be you.
Please, please come to me if you ever need anything. I will not claim to be an expert on anything, but I've been there. A lot. Anything I can do, I will do.
Good luck.
I'm a natural hermit. I actually made a resolution last year to try to un-hermit myself a bit. Blogging and being less lurkey elsewhere has been part of that resolve. I still slide into my hermit-tendencies, though. At some point I decide that no one wants to hear what I have to say so I stop saying anything.
I also get overwhelmed easily. If I have a lot to do and it starts piling up and piling up, it eventually gets to a point where I shut down and ignore it. I first learned this about myself my freshman year in high school, when I suddenly had more homework than I was used to and I decided not to do any of it. (That wasn't a good idea, by the way. I ended up failing World History and having to make it up in Summer School.) These days I can usually feel the shut-down coming. I don't always head it off in time. May I introduce you to Mount Laundrymore? I've been wearing the same jeans for a week - possibly longer.
This doesn't have a lot to do with what you're experiencing, but I thought I'd share. Especially since you're not a counselor and I do not want your opinion.
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