Tuesday, July 10, 2007

i call bullshit

tonight we ate chinese and at the end of the meal, the highlight was, of course, the fortune cookie. even though i don't actually eat the cookie anymore, i still read the fortune because you never know when they might stick in a coupon for a free buffet or something. so, my little scrap of paper contained this view of my future:

a friend is a present which you give yourself

that is NOT a fucking fortune--it's a cheesy, proverby, homily, so WHY was it in my fortune cookie? i guess on an amusing note, i could use my friend kelly's trick of adding 'in bed' at the end of my so-called fortune and it would at least be interesting...assuming the friend had batteries, of course, and not like a real person because that would be, well weird.

a friend is a present which you give yourself in bed

9 comments:

mtw said...

Maybe the real fortune was the lottery numbers on the other side?

Plus, isn't the fortune cookie like the most healthy part of a chinese food dinner?

I had a coworker who would go to the fortune cookie factory and buy the rejects for a dollar a bag. They were deformed, but very tasty. The fortunes always sucked, too. Maybe that's another reason they were rejects.

Anonymous said...

I agree...Most of the fortunes you get in the cookies, well umm...suck.

One time Mom & Dad brought us some back from San Fran...with ummm...Adult fortunes...

We didn't need to add in bed to the end of those!

-Suz

frodis said...

The worst fortune cookie fortune I ever got was one that said, "You have a good personality." Not only was it NOT a fortune, but it made me feel like the cookie was breaking up with me.

It didn't even know me. Stupid cookie.

Anonymous said...

I have been complaining for years now about the sorry state of fortune cookie fortunes. It really is a disgrace. Why, when I was a kid, we got real fortunes! A week before we were supposed to move, my mom got one that said "You will move into your new home soon." And it was true!

Now all you kids get off my lawn.

(Of course, I can't eat most Chinese food anymore, so I guess I should stop worrying about it.)

Anonymous said...

I got one once that said, "Someone special will visit your classroom." Since I teach, I loved it. I still have it taped to my hall door at school. I don't think I will add "in bed" to that one, though.

Puffy said...

A couple of days before my dad died (and we knew he was going to die any day), we ordered Chinese food to be brought in to his house while we were over there. My fortune said, "You are going to inherit a lot of money."

Kimmah said...

i'm laughing at frodis' 'you have a good personality in bed' fortune.'

i'm juvenile like that.

Swami said...

Since they went to the all 'Feel Good' format I no longer even bother opening fortune cookies. They just sit there, neglected. If they came in a little plastic pouch then I put them in my purse, find them all squished a few days later and then throw them out.

Jennifer said...

Due to our caterer backing out the week before, we had the local Chinese restaurant cater our wedding. They threw in the fortune cookies and the little donuts for free.

My fortune that day said "Your love life will be happy and harmonious." I thought that was so cool that I got it at our wedding. It's still hanging on our fridge.