frankly, I don't think I can make it and maintain my sanity. I have, at least, figured out that I simply can't sleep lying down anywhere close to flat. After having a good cry and a full Lortab (I'd been taking a half ever two hours instead of a full one every four hours), I have realized that I'm going to have to come up with a better plan than sitting my dead, slug ass on the couch and feeling sorry for myself. It's becoming pretty obvious that I'm NOT going to be able to work as much as I had hoped on my summer school contract, so I'm going to get on the phone and see what kind of solution I can come up with at work and then call the surgeon's office and see if we can rethink the date. The sooner I get this behind me, the better. And then some.
This week isn't optional, though, at least not thru Thursday, so I'm going to get up and get it underway so I can wrap up this year from Hell and focus on different ways to eradicate the horror from my memory. Step one? Finish getting my grades done and get my classroom cleared out.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
"I'd give my right arm for that"...NOT
For ages, that used to be one of my favorite hyperbole expressions. At random times I've offered my right arm to have a snow day, be able to wear a size 6, go to NYC, find the remote control, etc. I never really thought too much about such an expression until three weeks ago when BAM! I couldn't use my right arm. Well, I can still use it, but I can't raise it, extend it, lift heavy weight or control it like normal. Needless to say it was a bit of a freak-out for me.
For years--at least since the late 90s, I've had mystery back pain that would come and go and generally make my life hell. I've also what I thought was arthritis in my hands, carpal tunnel, undetermined back pain that made standing painful and constant feelings that I was 'carrying' all my stress in my neck. I've moaned and groaned online for a decade--no one could ever tell me what was wrong. I've had, in no particular order:
MRI-brain, lumbar back, cervical spine, thoracic spine, some three time
Nuclear bone scan
CT scan
xrays of every angle of my back and neck
nerve conduction studies three times
chiropractic and massage therapy
cervical traction
e-stimulation, including my own portable TENS unit for a year
ultrasound
exploratory lap surgery
colonoscopy
gall bladder tests, all types, x2
I've seen GP, neuro, bone and physical therapists. I've been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and cervical stenosis as well as arthritis. No real plan of attack, nor treatment has EVER worked. I've tried every drug in the book:
lortab
mepergen
demerol
darvocet
skelaxin
soma
flexiril
tizanidine
topamax
neurontin
amytriptilline
steroid packs
baclofen
And who knows what I've left off the list. At this point, my memory is also shot.
Around 7 or 8 years ago or so, I was told about the stenosis--this was after the first round of auto-immune testing. I have all those tests done two or three times. At that time, I was told that it might be something that required surgery when I was in my late 50s, early 60s. Ha! I'll be 40 years, 3 months when I get to have my surgery. I'll be having an anterior cervical discectomy :
Your spinal cord is supposed to be protected from the bones, but mine isn't. THe illustration shows healthy on the left and stenosis on the right--the white ring around the nerves is mashed in this illustration. In my MRI? the white ring is essentially gone.
So three weeks ago, I had trouble moving my arm, my neck was really stiff again, etc., Then just like a switch was turned off, I couldn't lift my arm past about my rib cage. I couldn't lift it to write on the board. I couldn't raise it to push the auto door button in my van. Couldn't reach the shampoo, much less wash my hair. That's scary as hell. The pain was something that was off the charts, too. I've never, even waking up post-op from knee surgery or trying to walk after the frist c-section--had this kind of intense pain. And it was non-stop for three weeks with almost no relief via meds or heat. When I finally was able to see the doctor who cleared up the mystery--Dr. Wade--I was convinced that I had a ruptured disc. That's fixable, with or without surgery. When I met him, he said he wanted to examine me a bit before talking about the MRI and that worried me--I cannot tell you how many times I've met with doctors who say they understand I'm in pain, but they have no idea why. Nothing ever shows up or makes sense. I thought we were there again, so I said, "Take all the time in the world, but please tell me there's something on that MRI that is a big red flag." He said, "Oh, yes. There are some huge red flags." Relief is an understatement. I don't WANT to be hurt or sick, but I do want to be fixed. Now I can be fixed.
He explained the stenosis and the severity. Basically, my is very rapidly progressing and he's never run into a case this bad in someone as young as I am (I'll take young where I can get it). It's in two discs and they are essentially gone. Bone on cord. It is not something that will just heal itself with time--I would never get better than I am right now. That's sobering. To think that people lived with this kind of pain before surgery or MRIs is just frightening. No wonder there were opium dens. Sheesh. I've got to have the discs removed, bone grafts put in and my spine fused together to protect it. There is no guarantee that I will be pain-free, but there's about an 80 percent chance that I will. He is also concerned about the muscle loss in my arm and shoulder. He could feel some atrophying--scary. He said it may be two years before I get full use back. He said that the weakening has been happening for years, just undetected. He also said that my legs have the same weaknesses lingering and that the stenosis may have led to some of my knee troubles and my clumsiness.
I don't have carpal tunnel--it was just the stenosis acting up early on. All of this burning pain in my shoulder is just reminiscent of the pain I've had in various places in the past and attributed to other problems.
I don't like to be a burden on people. I don't like to ask for help. I am perfectly content to be lazy and useless all on my own--I don't need a medical reason to do so. The glimpse of what being somewhat crippled would be like is sobering,to say the least. I will spend my summer doing whatever it takes to get my arm back--24 months is unacceptable, but I'm starting to accept that it probably won't be back to 'normal' in a couple of weeks. I'm going to get the last of this weight off and research the hell out of nutrition and vitamins and bone strength. I am going to suck it up and spend the $$ on a personal trainer once I've been released so I can get my core strength where it should be to give me a better basis of support my stupid lunkhead which is obviously so full of knowledge and useless bits that it has strained my neck and caused all of this trouble in the first place.
Surgery is June 8, 7.30 a.m. at Maury Regional here in Columbia. I'll be in at least one night and then I'm going to let my mother-in-law fuss over me for a couple of days at her house. The boys will go to Chattanooga for a few weeks and W. will be here, helping me around working full-time and studying for his NCLEX (state nursing exam). Not the summer we had planned, but a busy one a per the norm.
I'm not going to post much detail-wise other place. I will direct those inquiries here because typing long passages is pretty rough on my shoulder and this took forever on its own. I should have realized something was wrong when it hurt to blog the past few months. That's why I've been so gone lately. It just hurts too much to do more than a paragraph or so.
For years--at least since the late 90s, I've had mystery back pain that would come and go and generally make my life hell. I've also what I thought was arthritis in my hands, carpal tunnel, undetermined back pain that made standing painful and constant feelings that I was 'carrying' all my stress in my neck. I've moaned and groaned online for a decade--no one could ever tell me what was wrong. I've had, in no particular order:
MRI-brain, lumbar back, cervical spine, thoracic spine, some three time
Nuclear bone scan
CT scan
xrays of every angle of my back and neck
nerve conduction studies three times
chiropractic and massage therapy
cervical traction
e-stimulation, including my own portable TENS unit for a year
ultrasound
exploratory lap surgery
colonoscopy
gall bladder tests, all types, x2
I've seen GP, neuro, bone and physical therapists. I've been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and cervical stenosis as well as arthritis. No real plan of attack, nor treatment has EVER worked. I've tried every drug in the book:
lortab
mepergen
demerol
darvocet
skelaxin
soma
flexiril
tizanidine
topamax
neurontin
amytriptilline
steroid packs
baclofen
And who knows what I've left off the list. At this point, my memory is also shot.
Around 7 or 8 years ago or so, I was told about the stenosis--this was after the first round of auto-immune testing. I have all those tests done two or three times. At that time, I was told that it might be something that required surgery when I was in my late 50s, early 60s. Ha! I'll be 40 years, 3 months when I get to have my surgery. I'll be having an anterior cervical discectomy :
Your spinal cord is supposed to be protected from the bones, but mine isn't. THe illustration shows healthy on the left and stenosis on the right--the white ring around the nerves is mashed in this illustration. In my MRI? the white ring is essentially gone.
So three weeks ago, I had trouble moving my arm, my neck was really stiff again, etc., Then just like a switch was turned off, I couldn't lift my arm past about my rib cage. I couldn't lift it to write on the board. I couldn't raise it to push the auto door button in my van. Couldn't reach the shampoo, much less wash my hair. That's scary as hell. The pain was something that was off the charts, too. I've never, even waking up post-op from knee surgery or trying to walk after the frist c-section--had this kind of intense pain. And it was non-stop for three weeks with almost no relief via meds or heat. When I finally was able to see the doctor who cleared up the mystery--Dr. Wade--I was convinced that I had a ruptured disc. That's fixable, with or without surgery. When I met him, he said he wanted to examine me a bit before talking about the MRI and that worried me--I cannot tell you how many times I've met with doctors who say they understand I'm in pain, but they have no idea why. Nothing ever shows up or makes sense. I thought we were there again, so I said, "Take all the time in the world, but please tell me there's something on that MRI that is a big red flag." He said, "Oh, yes. There are some huge red flags." Relief is an understatement. I don't WANT to be hurt or sick, but I do want to be fixed. Now I can be fixed.
He explained the stenosis and the severity. Basically, my is very rapidly progressing and he's never run into a case this bad in someone as young as I am (I'll take young where I can get it). It's in two discs and they are essentially gone. Bone on cord. It is not something that will just heal itself with time--I would never get better than I am right now. That's sobering. To think that people lived with this kind of pain before surgery or MRIs is just frightening. No wonder there were opium dens. Sheesh. I've got to have the discs removed, bone grafts put in and my spine fused together to protect it. There is no guarantee that I will be pain-free, but there's about an 80 percent chance that I will. He is also concerned about the muscle loss in my arm and shoulder. He could feel some atrophying--scary. He said it may be two years before I get full use back. He said that the weakening has been happening for years, just undetected. He also said that my legs have the same weaknesses lingering and that the stenosis may have led to some of my knee troubles and my clumsiness.
I don't have carpal tunnel--it was just the stenosis acting up early on. All of this burning pain in my shoulder is just reminiscent of the pain I've had in various places in the past and attributed to other problems.
I don't like to be a burden on people. I don't like to ask for help. I am perfectly content to be lazy and useless all on my own--I don't need a medical reason to do so. The glimpse of what being somewhat crippled would be like is sobering,to say the least. I will spend my summer doing whatever it takes to get my arm back--24 months is unacceptable, but I'm starting to accept that it probably won't be back to 'normal' in a couple of weeks. I'm going to get the last of this weight off and research the hell out of nutrition and vitamins and bone strength. I am going to suck it up and spend the $$ on a personal trainer once I've been released so I can get my core strength where it should be to give me a better basis of support my stupid lunkhead which is obviously so full of knowledge and useless bits that it has strained my neck and caused all of this trouble in the first place.
Surgery is June 8, 7.30 a.m. at Maury Regional here in Columbia. I'll be in at least one night and then I'm going to let my mother-in-law fuss over me for a couple of days at her house. The boys will go to Chattanooga for a few weeks and W. will be here, helping me around working full-time and studying for his NCLEX (state nursing exam). Not the summer we had planned, but a busy one a per the norm.
I'm not going to post much detail-wise other place. I will direct those inquiries here because typing long passages is pretty rough on my shoulder and this took forever on its own. I should have realized something was wrong when it hurt to blog the past few months. That's why I've been so gone lately. It just hurts too much to do more than a paragraph or so.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Spring Has Sprung
I love spring--it makes me feel all renewed and invigorated. Thus, I will blog some. I think. Or maybe just via twitter and email, but communicate about my brain somehow, I will.
Friday, February 20, 2009
A Class With Sixth Graders
I teach 6th grade Creative Dramatics, which usually involves having class in our huge theater where we can get up and move around. No such luck today. We're having to watch a video because we were booted from the theater because of D.A.R.E. graduation. My room is not really large enough for 30 6th graders--I only have 26 desks, so some have to sit in chairs. Anyway, here's a real time update of our day today:
8:00--come in the room and find a seat. Fight over who gets to sit in a chair. There is one desk left and two girls who want to sit together. Neither wants to sit in the desk. They stare at it as if it is magically going to split in two. Needless to say it doesn't, so I have to order one of them to go sit in a chair and leave her bosom friend behind. Tragic.
8:03--everyone is seated. "Why aren't we in the theater?" "Can we go watch D.A.R.E?". etc.
8:05-I tell them they have two choices: Watch a movie--Night at the Museum--or we'll do a report on Shakespeare. "Who is Shakespeare?". "Can we get extra credit?" "What if we want to do both?" "Can I get a drink of water?"
8:07--Movie in and on. Chaos ensues. So-and-so can't see because of X (person, position, angle, height). Much moving and shuffling ensues. Very loud kid in back asks me who is on my poster--it's Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca--so I tell him and immediately have to point out that he did NOT play Inspector Gadget. Loud kid is moved to the front table.
8:09--other kid at the front table is in my office chair with broken arm rests and pretends to be wounded from sharp plastic. I suggest he move, and he's suddenly healed.
8:10-movie starts
8:13--I take up a note from my repeat note offender.
8:16-small scuffle breaks out between the two table boys because the 1st kid is pretending that the piece of arm rest is a pet and he won't let the other kid pet it. Seriously. Sixth graders. I kid you not.
8:19--"Can we skip the beginning and just get to the good parts?"
8:20--one kid is playing with his hair another is kicking a table leg.
8:25--I turn off the rest of the lights.
8:29--random discussions about decapitation, why a skeleton can drink, people's favorite part coming up as he gets off an elevator and runs in a room with Lewis and Clark and the Civil War.
8:35-tremendous laughter when there is monkey pee. Really, who doesn't laugh at monkey pee, though.
8:39-have to tell the girls to quit whispering
8:40-have to have one girl move because she doesn't understand "don't talk"
8:43-one kid is cold.
8:44--two more are cold. and another.
8:43-one more cold, one is hot and one girl likes my eyeshadow. I drag out my pliers to turn on the heat.
8:45-random plot questions
8:47--I see some kid doing a weird hand signal that involves him sucking on his fingers and pointing at another boy (whose mother I taught in 1995. I'm OLD).
8:48-room is unbearably hot, so off goes the heat.
8:48.5-girl with a history of major grand mal seizures gets down in the floor beside her desk and nearly gives me a heart attack. She just wanted to be more comfortable watching the video
8:50-random humming from unknown source
8:51-another kid is doing the finger wiggling move, so it obviously means something more. and yes, it is, a third kid (boy with the pet armrest) is doing it back. I have to fuss and it stops.
8:52-chatty girls redux
8:53--or does it? sheesh. TREVOR, PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.
8:54--drumming again. LANE, STOP IT!.
8:55-time to wrap up. Frankly, it's easier to have a " real class"
8:00--come in the room and find a seat. Fight over who gets to sit in a chair. There is one desk left and two girls who want to sit together. Neither wants to sit in the desk. They stare at it as if it is magically going to split in two. Needless to say it doesn't, so I have to order one of them to go sit in a chair and leave her bosom friend behind. Tragic.
8:03--everyone is seated. "Why aren't we in the theater?" "Can we go watch D.A.R.E?". etc.
8:05-I tell them they have two choices: Watch a movie--Night at the Museum--or we'll do a report on Shakespeare. "Who is Shakespeare?". "Can we get extra credit?" "What if we want to do both?" "Can I get a drink of water?"
8:07--Movie in and on. Chaos ensues. So-and-so can't see because of X (person, position, angle, height). Much moving and shuffling ensues. Very loud kid in back asks me who is on my poster--it's Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca--so I tell him and immediately have to point out that he did NOT play Inspector Gadget. Loud kid is moved to the front table.
8:09--other kid at the front table is in my office chair with broken arm rests and pretends to be wounded from sharp plastic. I suggest he move, and he's suddenly healed.
8:10-movie starts
8:13--I take up a note from my repeat note offender.
8:16-small scuffle breaks out between the two table boys because the 1st kid is pretending that the piece of arm rest is a pet and he won't let the other kid pet it. Seriously. Sixth graders. I kid you not.
8:19--"Can we skip the beginning and just get to the good parts?"
8:20--one kid is playing with his hair another is kicking a table leg.
8:25--I turn off the rest of the lights.
8:29--random discussions about decapitation, why a skeleton can drink, people's favorite part coming up as he gets off an elevator and runs in a room with Lewis and Clark and the Civil War.
8:35-tremendous laughter when there is monkey pee. Really, who doesn't laugh at monkey pee, though.
8:39-have to tell the girls to quit whispering
8:40-have to have one girl move because she doesn't understand "don't talk"
8:43-one kid is cold.
8:44--two more are cold. and another.
8:43-one more cold, one is hot and one girl likes my eyeshadow. I drag out my pliers to turn on the heat.
8:45-random plot questions
8:47--I see some kid doing a weird hand signal that involves him sucking on his fingers and pointing at another boy (whose mother I taught in 1995. I'm OLD).
8:48-room is unbearably hot, so off goes the heat.
8:48.5-girl with a history of major grand mal seizures gets down in the floor beside her desk and nearly gives me a heart attack. She just wanted to be more comfortable watching the video
8:50-random humming from unknown source
8:51-another kid is doing the finger wiggling move, so it obviously means something more. and yes, it is, a third kid (boy with the pet armrest) is doing it back. I have to fuss and it stops.
8:52-chatty girls redux
8:53--or does it? sheesh. TREVOR, PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN.
8:54--drumming again. LANE, STOP IT!.
8:55-time to wrap up. Frankly, it's easier to have a " real class"
Monday, January 26, 2009
Is There Really a Market for These?
So, I've been watching a lot of television since my most recent knee-related surgical intervention (the Demerol allows me the temporary delusion that I don't USUALLY watch several hours of television per night) , and since I watch almost nothing but cabl--specifically TNT, USA, Bravo, MSNBC and truTV--, I see a lot of second tier advertising, and the product of the moment seems to be Barack Obama plates and coins. Who, pray tell, is buying the multitudes of dollars, half dollars and other Liberian legal tender brandished with full color images of Barack Obama? I say multitudes, but that might be hyperbole on my part since the ever-so persuasive voiceover man assures me that there will only be "65 firing days before the molds are destroyed"--this has such an air of finality to it, don't you think? I suppose it's supposed to make me frantically pick up the phone and get my order in before the chance has passed...hold it. I just took a moment and did the math and the 65th day passed sometime around January 8 or 9...that makes the end of days for ordering seem that much nearer.
Sidenote: I'm not very good at exact numbers, which should demonstrate exactly why I suck ass in the math department, forgive me, Joy Parker, please, forgive me. It's not your fault. I blame Mr. Anthony and his constant threats about "building a barn" as he thwacked his paddle menacingly his hand that basically caused me to go into total mental shutdown when I walked into math class in 5th grade...and wtf did "building a barn" mean, exactly?
Anyway, middle school moment aside, what to do, what to do. I'm as big a fan of Obama as the next person...okay, not Kari because she harbors unclean thoughts about him, but the average fiscally conservative, socially liberal, almost-middle-aged, suburban America old, fat white chick, and for the life of me I can't figure out what the draw is. Not even the promise of receiving a signed Certificate of Authenticity AND an attractive bonus display stand can make me take the plunge and plunk down the $19.99 required to hang Obama on china on my dining room wall. This is me assuming, of course, that one displays decorative political dishware in one's dining room. And does the certificate ensure the plate will hold its resale value on the resale market? And is there a viable secondary market for Obamania plates and coins? I can't help but feel that I'm missing out on the present-day equivalent to the Apple IPO. Will I be kicking myself for not securing a piece of American history?
Sweet Jesus, hold the phone, I've found the motherlode! A website that sells both 'collectibles of the highest quality", the coin AND The Historic Victory Plate, which features
a priceless work of art featuring the triumphant President-Elect surrounded by the American flag and spectacular fireworks celebration.Well, if the fireworks don't seal the deal for you, then you're just unAmerican (not a big threat for many of you since according to various folks on FOX, you're already unAmerican because you voted for Obama and against the constitution, the flag (pins and all) and Jesus). Keep in mind that "due to the unprecedented demand there is a strict limit of two per caller, so give your kids the CC# and a phone so they can get their orders in quick, too. Oh, damn, all sarcasm aside, I see that the website has the "As Seen on TV" logo and that gives me pause. While others may mock and jeer, I'm a longtime fan of the ASOTV products...old-time friends may remember the Pasta Pro Cooker that Five gave me when he was about 7 and, say what you want, the most ingenious personal grooming product of the 21st century, the Ped Egg, is a staple in the ASOTV catalog of fine products. Could the plate and coin REALLY be that bad after all? Perhaps they ARE truly a deal to be considered?......oh, wait...
This first collectors issue plate celebrates with the inscription "Change Has Come" scripted in 22K Gold text. The back displays the seal of the American Historic Society and documents the historic electoral and popular vote totals on election day.And like that, the bloom is off the rose. Dear Mr. Marketing Director for the American historic Society, if you can't use apostrophes correctly? Don't expect me to take your investment advice seriously.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Politics
Once upon a time, I was a Republican. I admit this now to offer hope to those who have not yet seen the light. I was not just a little Republican, either. I was a vote-the-ticket, Democrats-are-evil, hate-everything-about-Bill-Clinton 100 percent GOP voter. I did this because I was raised in a Republican household and because I was really a one or two issue voter--lower my taxes and quit giving my money to lazy people who use food stamps and welfare. All of this changed when I became a fan of reality tv...Survivor to be specific. An odd leap, you say? Well, yes. Yes it was, but I can say with absolute confidence that what turned my thinking around was the thoughtful and persuasive writing of some really smart Survivor watchers.
Many of my bloggy friends know what OT is because they have hung out there too, but for those who don't, it's the Off Topic board on Reality TV World. Like most off topic forums, a little bit of everything gets discussed and on OT, politics is somewhat of a bloodsport. I went in a staunch Republican and came away a moderate Democrat thanks in no small part to reading the postings--civil and not--from landru, tech noir, mistofleas, buggy, dave, history detective, wheezy and countless others. I was able, for the first time in my adult life, to really look at things from a different perspective. Over the course of a year or so, I found myself changing sides and now consider myself a Democrat, albeit a moderate to conservative one when it comes to taxes and money.
All of that is background to explain this: Rush Limbaugh is a big fat obnoxious dummy. Bill O'Reilly makes me want to scream. Sean Hannity scares me. And my parents watch nothing but Fox news...blech. I've been really disgusted to see how the talking nimrods have reacted to Obama's first week in office. It saddens me to see that some adults simply can't put away the childish things and work together to achieve a common good. Shame on them. Shame, shame, shame.
Many of my bloggy friends know what OT is because they have hung out there too, but for those who don't, it's the Off Topic board on Reality TV World. Like most off topic forums, a little bit of everything gets discussed and on OT, politics is somewhat of a bloodsport. I went in a staunch Republican and came away a moderate Democrat thanks in no small part to reading the postings--civil and not--from landru, tech noir, mistofleas, buggy, dave, history detective, wheezy and countless others. I was able, for the first time in my adult life, to really look at things from a different perspective. Over the course of a year or so, I found myself changing sides and now consider myself a Democrat, albeit a moderate to conservative one when it comes to taxes and money.
All of that is background to explain this: Rush Limbaugh is a big fat obnoxious dummy. Bill O'Reilly makes me want to scream. Sean Hannity scares me. And my parents watch nothing but Fox news...blech. I've been really disgusted to see how the talking nimrods have reacted to Obama's first week in office. It saddens me to see that some adults simply can't put away the childish things and work together to achieve a common good. Shame on them. Shame, shame, shame.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Random
When you have a giant black brace on your leg, I don't care how cute your clothes are or how perfect your hair and makeup are, you look like a schlub.
At age 39 things that would have been hilariously entertaining at a bar when you were 20 are simply obnoxiously self-serving attention whoring.
I do not enjoy strange men putting their hands on my shoes.
Sometimes a cake CAN have too much icing.
Just because someone is famous, she is not automatically a good public speaker.
No one ever told me how much time grading papers the right way actually takes.
If Sam isn't hungry because his stomach feels sort of weird, do NOT let him drink grape soda.
Sometimes popcorn can make things better.
Stitches itch like hell after a week or so.
Even if she is beautiful, there's something really distressing about being told you look just like your mom did 20 years ago.
At age 39 things that would have been hilariously entertaining at a bar when you were 20 are simply obnoxiously self-serving attention whoring.
I do not enjoy strange men putting their hands on my shoes.
Sometimes a cake CAN have too much icing.
Just because someone is famous, she is not automatically a good public speaker.
No one ever told me how much time grading papers the right way actually takes.
If Sam isn't hungry because his stomach feels sort of weird, do NOT let him drink grape soda.
Sometimes popcorn can make things better.
Stitches itch like hell after a week or so.
Even if she is beautiful, there's something really distressing about being told you look just like your mom did 20 years ago.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Grand Plan 2009
Resolutions are so '08, aren't they? And who the hell actually carries through with them anyway? I'm going to focus instead on creating a sort of roadmap for myself for 2009.
- Distance myself from toxic people. This one may be a smidge harder than it sounds since by all accounts, I'm the most toxic person in my life, but I shall strive to limit the power that the negative folks have over me.
- When I resist change ask myself WWPFD? This is an acronym for What Would Pxx Fxxxxx Do? PF is a woman that I used to work with who was like a human Eeyore. Change was always bad. Everyone else's ideas were always bad. It was as if she couldn't find anything positive in an idea unless it was hers. I've found myself taking on this attitude lately and it was sobering. From now on it's WWPFD? and then Kim does the opposite.
- Read more intellectually stimulating material. As much as I enjoy reading NYMag or various gossipy sites and the Bravo blogs, I've simply got to refine my reading before I turn into one of those lameass people who can list all the current socialites or identify Top Chef dish creators by simply looking at a plate of food. When I'm more up-to-date on current pop culture and gossip than my senior English class, we have a problem.
- Resume some form of healthy movement. Walking to and from the fridge carrying a laptop isn't going to pull my ass up off my mid-thigh and far too many of my clothing items are becoming sausage casingesque.
- Interact more. I've become a virtual and literal hermit. My idea of the perfect evening is to climb in my bed with my laptop and remote control and just tune out for two or three hours before falling asleep. Needless to say this does nothing for my social life.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Goodbye 2008!
I'm really not one for big New Year's shindigs. I'm a total homebody and too old to be very social past ten anyway. The past few years I've spent the evening at my parents' house with some cousins, my aunt and my kids. It's a nice excuse to hang out and eat really good food.
2008 has been sort of a meh year for me. No real highlights, no real lowlights. Very even keel. I'm not in so much of a hurry to see it go as I am to move on and get a so-called fresh start on stuff. My friend Michelle and I have declared that 2009 will be OUR year because we both deserve it for no better reason than we said so. I'm going to be 40 in March, so that alone is reason to direct everything toward me.
Now for a quick NYE poll post:
1. Do you go out on NYE?
2. Do you drink champagne on NYE?
3. Do you kiss someone at midnight?
4. What's your most memorable NYE?
5. Did you watch Dick Clark every NYE growing up?
I'm off to appear helpful and/or maternal for a bit. I'm sure I'll end up trolling on facebook and blogs later tonight. If you're around and bored, email me at kimmmah at gmail dot com (that's THREE m's in kimmmah for the email; the normal spelling will direct you to a kimmah that is not me. bitch took my gmail name) and perhaps we can chit chat.
Go enjoy what is left of 2008--the year that we did NOT elect Sarah Palin to national office, thankyoujesus.
2008 has been sort of a meh year for me. No real highlights, no real lowlights. Very even keel. I'm not in so much of a hurry to see it go as I am to move on and get a so-called fresh start on stuff. My friend Michelle and I have declared that 2009 will be OUR year because we both deserve it for no better reason than we said so. I'm going to be 40 in March, so that alone is reason to direct everything toward me.
Now for a quick NYE poll post:
1. Do you go out on NYE?
2. Do you drink champagne on NYE?
3. Do you kiss someone at midnight?
4. What's your most memorable NYE?
5. Did you watch Dick Clark every NYE growing up?
I'm off to appear helpful and/or maternal for a bit. I'm sure I'll end up trolling on facebook and blogs later tonight. If you're around and bored, email me at kimmmah at gmail dot com (that's THREE m's in kimmmah for the email; the normal spelling will direct you to a kimmah that is not me. bitch took my gmail name) and perhaps we can chit chat.
Go enjoy what is left of 2008--the year that we did NOT elect Sarah Palin to national office, thankyoujesus.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Yet Another Only In Kim's World Story
I've said many times before that my life is like a poorly written sitcom in many ways. I'm like the quirky protagonist who gets into scrapes either by sheer stupidity, lack of responsible thinking skills, unfortunate human circumstance or complete physical incompetence. It's just what I do. Because of this, my trips out in public can fraught with mishaps, accidents and/or hilarity. Trips to Wal Mart are prime settings for stupid and yesterday was no exception.
First of all, I should tell you that I talk to myself. A lot. Out loud. As I get older, I do it more and more. I probably look like Sybil's daughter as I walk up and down the aisles (without a list 9 times out of 10) and try to get things from stores like Wal Mart or Kroger. Inevitably when I get to the back far corner of Super Wal mart, it dawns on me that I need something from the health and beauty section...and that's what happened yesterday. We've had a total Wal Mart redo, so backtracking is even more time-consuming than it should be since I only hit the evil empire every six weeks or so (they remodeled the entire non-food merchandise side in between my visits in the spring--talk about feeling like Alice in the rabbit hole. I walked in and saw a plywood pharmacy in the entrance way and was like wtf??).
Anyway, I was loading four packs of Sugar Free Red Bull (damn, that stuff is expensive, btw, but will be in my fridge for the near future anyway. sorry, true!) when it dawned on me that I had to go get some deodorant because I'd forgotten it the previous two trips. So, talking to myself the whole way, I made my diagonal path to the other side of the stupid enormous Wal Mart and found the proper aisle. W. isn't brand-loyal on deodorant--just low price loyal. This week it was Speed Stick's million varieties on sale. I never can remember what smell to buy because men's deodorant names are just ridiculous. Athletic, sports scent, thunderstorm, clean fresh, power surge, waterfalls...they don't make any sense, really. At least for me. All I know is I never buy unscented because deodorant, IMO, is one of the things that SHOULD be scented artificially because the natural smell is just unfortunate. Faced with the dizzying array of choices, I decided I needed to smell them to make a choice.
I picked up the first choice and smelled. Nothing. Speedstick's package is a weird flat oval shape with a very tight lid that controls the scent Under the lid is this annoying piece of plastic,molded to the top of the stick. It has a very user-unfriendly 'handle' that you have to pull or twist or pry off. WHY can't they just have a sticker like the best girl deodorant in the world, Secret Clinical?
I tug on the little tab/lid to release some scent. No luck. Tug again. Nope. Try to twist. No budge. Pick up another one, repeat. No smelling. In a fit of exasperation, I do a combo pull/twist at about the same time I lean in a bit...and yes, the tab came loose. So loose, in fact, that my hand snapped up uncontrollably and the tab handle thing smacked right into my lip while the opening of the deodorant mashed into my chin. I'm pretty sure I said, "SHIT!" out loud, in Wal Mart, on Christmas Eve, but when one draws blood with a personal hygiene product, it is acceptable, IMO. Needless to say, I got a good whiff of the scent since it was gummed on my chin. At that point, I decided that since it didn't smell of death or bubble gum, that was the chosen one. I gathered what was left of my dignity, rubbed the smear of Speed Stick off my face, ducked my head to hide my slightly split lip and got the hell out of Dodge.
Merry Christmas!
First of all, I should tell you that I talk to myself. A lot. Out loud. As I get older, I do it more and more. I probably look like Sybil's daughter as I walk up and down the aisles (without a list 9 times out of 10) and try to get things from stores like Wal Mart or Kroger. Inevitably when I get to the back far corner of Super Wal mart, it dawns on me that I need something from the health and beauty section...and that's what happened yesterday. We've had a total Wal Mart redo, so backtracking is even more time-consuming than it should be since I only hit the evil empire every six weeks or so (they remodeled the entire non-food merchandise side in between my visits in the spring--talk about feeling like Alice in the rabbit hole. I walked in and saw a plywood pharmacy in the entrance way and was like wtf??).
Anyway, I was loading four packs of Sugar Free Red Bull (damn, that stuff is expensive, btw, but will be in my fridge for the near future anyway. sorry, true!) when it dawned on me that I had to go get some deodorant because I'd forgotten it the previous two trips. So, talking to myself the whole way, I made my diagonal path to the other side of the stupid enormous Wal Mart and found the proper aisle. W. isn't brand-loyal on deodorant--just low price loyal. This week it was Speed Stick's million varieties on sale. I never can remember what smell to buy because men's deodorant names are just ridiculous. Athletic, sports scent, thunderstorm, clean fresh, power surge, waterfalls...they don't make any sense, really. At least for me. All I know is I never buy unscented because deodorant, IMO, is one of the things that SHOULD be scented artificially because the natural smell is just unfortunate. Faced with the dizzying array of choices, I decided I needed to smell them to make a choice.
I picked up the first choice and smelled. Nothing. Speedstick's package is a weird flat oval shape with a very tight lid that controls the scent Under the lid is this annoying piece of plastic,molded to the top of the stick. It has a very user-unfriendly 'handle' that you have to pull or twist or pry off. WHY can't they just have a sticker like the best girl deodorant in the world, Secret Clinical?
I tug on the little tab/lid to release some scent. No luck. Tug again. Nope. Try to twist. No budge. Pick up another one, repeat. No smelling. In a fit of exasperation, I do a combo pull/twist at about the same time I lean in a bit...and yes, the tab came loose. So loose, in fact, that my hand snapped up uncontrollably and the tab handle thing smacked right into my lip while the opening of the deodorant mashed into my chin. I'm pretty sure I said, "SHIT!" out loud, in Wal Mart, on Christmas Eve, but when one draws blood with a personal hygiene product, it is acceptable, IMO. Needless to say, I got a good whiff of the scent since it was gummed on my chin. At that point, I decided that since it didn't smell of death or bubble gum, that was the chosen one. I gathered what was left of my dignity, rubbed the smear of Speed Stick off my face, ducked my head to hide my slightly split lip and got the hell out of Dodge.
Merry Christmas!
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