My life has been a series of embarrassing events if truth be told. There was falling down bleachers and falling up stairs in high school; while I was at UT, there was an incident that involved dragging lingirie attached to my backpack all the way up The Hill to Ayers Hall for a meeting with my professor and another that involved puking in a sink and on a Tri Delt's shoe at The Lap (oooh, and an unfortunate drunken singing event at a Kappa Sig party in Chattanooga--hello, Cary!), saying Fuck Hinn while teaching 11th grade English my very first year on the job, not to mention a whole host of events inspired or instigated by my children and/or spouse. The list goes on and on and on. So, when I say this is IT, trust me, it is.
Backstory: Item 1: Every week, I meet SIL, MIL and assorted nieces and friends at McDonalds on Wed. night to do dinner before church. We hang out for an hour or two at the playground. Item 2: I started taking water aerobics at the Y and my bathing suit was waaaay too big and I needed another. Item 3: S. is my niece J.'s friend.
Okay, here we go.
I called J. and asked her if she had a bathing suit that I could borrow. She did and said she would bring it to me at McD's, so that's where we begin. We arrived at McD's and had the usual hoopla of children running, eating, talking and so on. It was chaotic as usual--as it would be with four kids 7 and under needing attention. S. has a baby, N., and J. has a little boy, J2.
I had to leave early because I had to be at the "Y", so I asked J. if she'd brought the suit--she had, but she left it in S's "truck". Since everyone was dealing with kiddos, I said I'd just go get it on my way out. What does S's truck look like? It's a green one, J. said, and right by the door.
I made my farewells and headed out, eager to hurry up and get to the "Y" and make sure the damn suit fit. I exited McD's and had to only look one parking place over and voila! There was a green truck--an SUV, actually, but I knew that S. drove an SUV, so this was not a problem. The vehicle was green--not an ugly one--and some sort of Nissan/Toyota thingamajig. All was well. I looked in the window and saw an infant carseat as well as a whole lot of other shit in the backseat. Okay, get to work.. I opened the passenger door and started to look. The smell of the vehicle nearly knocked me down--I can only describe it as "white trash", which sort of surprised me, but it was a used vehicle when S. got it, so okay, whatever. I did quickly hope that whatever I was about to borrow to wear wouldn't smell like this--cig smoke, stale air, old beer and old car mixed together. Blech. I went to the floorboard to look for a bag of some sort. There was a pile of trash, scraps and flotsam piled up in the floor and between the seats and everywhere. I was briefly startled as I looked down and saw a purse, open, in the floorboard with cigarettes right on top. WTF? Since when does J. smoke? I toyed with the idea of stealing them, but decided that it was something to just bring up in conversation later, instead. No bag in the floorboard.
I would have sworn that she said passenger side, but I also vaguely remembered, "in the back" being mentioned, so I thought maybe it was in the backseat. The vehicle was a two-door, so I had to lean over and around the passenger seat to look. No bag. Damn. I tried to flip the seat up, but I couldn't figure out how to make the lever work, so I gave up. Damn again.
As I went around the back of the vehicle, I decided that maybe she meant the WAY back, so I looked for a way to open the door/tailgate. There was a massive spare-tire rig on the back, and I couldn't see a handle anywhere, so I went on around to the driver's side and opened that door to look in the back from a better angle. I had no better luck moving this seat forward than I had the passenger's, despite my best efforts--I did manage to move the seat back straight up, but no further. There were blankets and such in the way, so I moved all of those as best I could by reaching around the front seat, stirred around a bit and still didn't see it. I smelled some weird smells, but no suit. Double damn.
This was getting old and I was about to go ask for J.'s help, when I decided to look in the back again--I peered in the windows and inspected the tire thing fom every possible angle, but never did see a handle. Damn, damn, damn.
Back to the passenger's seat. I yanked on that stupid lever again and had no luck, so I leaned over the seat and was practically lying IN the damn car. That's when I heard:
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING LOOKING IN MY CAR?"
I froze for a millisecond and then snapped my head and body around to see a very pissed off 20-something guy in scruffy clothes and dire need of a bath standing on the curb, glaring at me.
"Your car?"
"Fuck yes, my car. What the hell are you doing?"
At this point, I was ready for the pavement to open and just gulp me down, but as usual, that didn't happen despite teh obvious need for such reprieve. I was left standing there, stammering like a motherfucking idiot.
"My niece...get something...she left ...me...new car...front...green truck...."
Despite the fact that I probably had a good four college degrees and a high school diploma on this guy, I was not coming across as the intelligent or educated one in this matchup. He peered at me through the passenger window because I was still standing behind the door as if it would protect me or somehow morph into S.'s car.
"She has a green truck?
"Uh-huh...think...said...yes...front door."
"Could THAT be it?"
And he pointed to a green Ford Explorer-type that was parked two spaces down from where I stood trying not to vomit in his passenger seat--after all, they had enough olofactory offenses in the car already and it would just be flat out rude for me to add to them. Besides, I'm not really a public puker--my only other experiences in that were pretty horrific and I didn't want to reply that here in my local McD's parking lot.
Through the haze of mortification, I could clearly see the greenish tint of the other vehicle glowing in the setting sun. The other green truck. I must get to it. I closed the door of the non-S. truck and began to apologize.
"I am so sorry...she said...never saw...sorry...God...mortified."
He waved me off and watched to make sure that I had left his car alone, then went back into McDonald's. I see a rather rough looking female waiting inside for him and am briefly cognizant of the fact that she probably could have and would have kicked my ass had she been the one to come outside. I am thankful that chivalry was alive and well in southern Middle Tennessee.
Somehow I stumble to the green vehicle, making my way past God-only-knows how many vehicles in the backed-up drive-through lane. I can't even process the fact that there were most likely witnesses to this unfortunate incident of total humiliation. I can only focus on the other green truck and when I am finally upon it, I carefully inspect it from the outside first, and, noting the much neater interior, various baby items, and lack of cigarette-laden handbags, tentatively opened the handle. At this point I expect alarms to ring, armed gunmen to approach or the car to self-destruct, but nothing quite that dramatic happens. Instead, I look down, see the suit (I can't even remember if it was in a bag or what at this point) grab it and make a mad dash to my van, where I damn near hyperventilate.
The suit fit, btw. Smashingly so. Thank God.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Enough With the Serious
I don't blog on serious stuff much because it's not really my forte--I like to leave it to those who are more worldy or wise than I on such matters such as Sasha or Landru or, on one of my favorite topics, Autism Diva and Kathleen Siedel and Kevin Leitch. If you want to read up on world affairs, sporting topics, and the continuing debate and exposure on some of the looniest theories and crooks in the autism world, then those are the links for you. I'll be back later to share one of the most embarrassing, if not THE most embarrassing event of my post-child, adult life. Get ready.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
There Really is a Difference
Bitchy and cruel are two vastly different things, although some people in this weird world seem to think that the two are interchangable.
I pride myself on being a bitch when I need to because, well, I am. I can be a little bit bitchy or a whole lot bitchy depending on the situation. I can rant, rave and complain. I can call people on their stupid and I can make fun of just about anyone or anything. All of these things fall under the broad umbrella of bitch.
What I DON'T do, though, is use my skills, lol, to wish ill upon people. I don't take joy in pain or suffering or loss, no matter how much that person wronged me or my family. I can joke about them or make snide comments, but I'm not going to revel in their physical undoing or their personal misfortune. I have precious little respect for those who do, either. I cannot for the life of me understand how people can take pleasure in someone else's ill health or personal loss. I just can't. What kind of a bitter, small person does one really have to be for that to even enter into one's realm of thinking?
I'll stick to snark and bitch, thankyouverymuch.
I pride myself on being a bitch when I need to because, well, I am. I can be a little bit bitchy or a whole lot bitchy depending on the situation. I can rant, rave and complain. I can call people on their stupid and I can make fun of just about anyone or anything. All of these things fall under the broad umbrella of bitch.
What I DON'T do, though, is use my skills, lol, to wish ill upon people. I don't take joy in pain or suffering or loss, no matter how much that person wronged me or my family. I can joke about them or make snide comments, but I'm not going to revel in their physical undoing or their personal misfortune. I have precious little respect for those who do, either. I cannot for the life of me understand how people can take pleasure in someone else's ill health or personal loss. I just can't. What kind of a bitter, small person does one really have to be for that to even enter into one's realm of thinking?
I'll stick to snark and bitch, thankyouverymuch.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Blogging for Choice
Today is, in case you didn't know it, Blogging for Choice Day. So usual despite my desire to keep this site relatively apolitical, I'm going to do my part.
I was never one who really had a strong opinion one way or another about the Roe v. Wade thing as a young woman. I was essentially pro-choice because I do not like the idea of anyone telling me what I can or cannot do. Stellar reasoning, no, but that's how my mind worked back in the day.
My attitude toward Roe changed in 1992. That's when I discovered that I was pregnant. I had always wanted to have kids and wanted to have six kids. Under the typical circumstances, pregnancy would have been cause to celebrate and rejoice, but the situation was not typical. For starters, I wasn't married. Not quite the taboo it would have been ten years prior, but in my world, it was unheard of. I didn't know a single person who was pregnant and unmarried in my circle of friends or my entire extended family (which is enormous). Second, I had been dating W. for all of about four weeks when I found out. You can do that math. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of telling my parents that the person they'd met ONCE and whose family I had never met was suddenly the father of their first grandchild. Classy, yes? Thirdly, I was in college and working as a waitress. Not exactly big bucks.
So there was a quandry. For W. and I there was no choice, really. As soon as we did the test, we decided right then and there that we'd be getting married. Talk about a relationship tester. We had to tell the families and there was much strife, especially from my side of the family. His mother, who worked as a public health nurse and counseled women on birth control took it much better than mine who hung up on me for the first time in my life.
After the initial shock, we move into overdrive and by December--after we'd met in late September--we were married. Seven months later, we became parents. It was not easy. The first couple of years were an almost constant struggle with all the adapting that we had to do as we both graduated from college, found jobs, bought our first house and in our spare time, raised a child.
So, where does Roe factor in? I'll tell you. See, when we got over the inital shock and started deciding what to do, we took our time and really talked about all of our options and what the consequences of our decisions would be. Since we were older--23 and 27--we ultimately felt that we could handle the situation. We'd already been talking about moving in together in January when the new semester started and I had no doubt that he was the person I was going to marry from the day we met, but still, we had to consider everything, which we did. And from that moment on, I understood what "pro-choice" meant. I understood the importance of letting those most affected by circumstances have the CHOICE of how to deal with them. I understood how lucky I was to be able to make the CHOICE that I did, but I could easily see how someone in a similar situation might have felt too overwhelmed and made a different CHOICE.
It's been over fourteen years since that fateful day when my life literally changed forever. I look at my child and realize that no matter how hard things were, I did the right thing for me. I did it because I had a CHOICE.
I was never one who really had a strong opinion one way or another about the Roe v. Wade thing as a young woman. I was essentially pro-choice because I do not like the idea of anyone telling me what I can or cannot do. Stellar reasoning, no, but that's how my mind worked back in the day.
My attitude toward Roe changed in 1992. That's when I discovered that I was pregnant. I had always wanted to have kids and wanted to have six kids. Under the typical circumstances, pregnancy would have been cause to celebrate and rejoice, but the situation was not typical. For starters, I wasn't married. Not quite the taboo it would have been ten years prior, but in my world, it was unheard of. I didn't know a single person who was pregnant and unmarried in my circle of friends or my entire extended family (which is enormous). Second, I had been dating W. for all of about four weeks when I found out. You can do that math. Needless to say, I wasn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of telling my parents that the person they'd met ONCE and whose family I had never met was suddenly the father of their first grandchild. Classy, yes? Thirdly, I was in college and working as a waitress. Not exactly big bucks.
So there was a quandry. For W. and I there was no choice, really. As soon as we did the test, we decided right then and there that we'd be getting married. Talk about a relationship tester. We had to tell the families and there was much strife, especially from my side of the family. His mother, who worked as a public health nurse and counseled women on birth control took it much better than mine who hung up on me for the first time in my life.
After the initial shock, we move into overdrive and by December--after we'd met in late September--we were married. Seven months later, we became parents. It was not easy. The first couple of years were an almost constant struggle with all the adapting that we had to do as we both graduated from college, found jobs, bought our first house and in our spare time, raised a child.
So, where does Roe factor in? I'll tell you. See, when we got over the inital shock and started deciding what to do, we took our time and really talked about all of our options and what the consequences of our decisions would be. Since we were older--23 and 27--we ultimately felt that we could handle the situation. We'd already been talking about moving in together in January when the new semester started and I had no doubt that he was the person I was going to marry from the day we met, but still, we had to consider everything, which we did. And from that moment on, I understood what "pro-choice" meant. I understood the importance of letting those most affected by circumstances have the CHOICE of how to deal with them. I understood how lucky I was to be able to make the CHOICE that I did, but I could easily see how someone in a similar situation might have felt too overwhelmed and made a different CHOICE.
It's been over fourteen years since that fateful day when my life literally changed forever. I look at my child and realize that no matter how hard things were, I did the right thing for me. I did it because I had a CHOICE.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Fun With Typogenerator
I love typogenerator. It is ridiculously entertaining. I've made God-only-knows how many picturey/art things with various versions of my names or phrases. This one is with Kimberly. There's another one up in my header with Kimmah Says all mangled (it's on the right). If you're bored and need a diversion, I highly recommend it. Sometimes you get some hideously ugly returns, but keep trying. It's too cool.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
One of THOSE Things
I've not memed in awhile, so I'm entitled to wallow in self indulgence for a bit, yes? Thanks to sarah for this one:
10 Favorites
Color: blue
Food: grilled chicken
Month: Ocotber
Song: Smooth-Rob Thomas, Santana
Film: For the moment it's About A Boy
Sport: Fantasy Football
Season: Fall
Day of the week: Sunday
Flavor ice cream: Butter Pecan
Time of day: 9 pm...it's quiet
9 Currents
Mood: Bored
Taste: Eclectic
Clothes: pink-striped, flannel jammie pants and a blue pullover
Desktop: kids
Toenail color: natural...I'm holding out for sandal season
Time: 8:10 PM CST
Surroundings: lying on my bed with the laptop (seriously, it would be hard to do so with a desktop) and no tv or anything else n
Thoughts: I'm really uncomfortable sitting like this
Company: Me, myself and I
8 Firsts
Best friend: Mary Lynn
Kiss: Rex E. at a bday party in 7th grade during spin-the-bottle; His brother, Scott, was the first boy I kissed for "real".
Lover: Chris. A very, very long time ago.
Screen name: fivesmom
Pet: a puppy named Socks that ran away/got killed.
Piercing: Ears - 4th grade
Crush: Donnie Osmond
Cd: Hootie and the Blowfish, maybe?
7 Lasts
Cigarette: sometime in college when I was rip-roaring drunk, I'm sure
Drink: wine was during Christmas; sugar-free generic grape Kool-Aid thingy was about 10 minutes ago
Car Ride: about an hour ago to Walgreens and Blockbuster
Kiss: from Sam before he went to bed
Film seen: Dreamgirls
Phone call: from W.
CD Played: a mix of stuff that I sing to in the car...specifically Kerosene by Miranda Lambert
6 Have You Ever’s
Dated one of your best girl/guy friends? Patrick in college--huge mistake in one way because I ended up screwing that up big time on many accounts, but I suppose it led me to where I am now
Broken the law? Yes
Been arrested? Nope
Skinny Dipped? No
Been on TV? Yes
Kissed someone you didn’t know? I knew first name--does that count?
5 Things
Thing you are wearing: shirt, sports bra, jammie pants, panties and socks
Thing you’ve done today: supervised Saturday Schoolers, graded Beowulf tests, looked for Mardi Gras-themed party supplies for a dance, cooked dinner, chatted with Buggy on Yahoo.
Thing you can hear right now: the central unit, the water in the boys' bathroom, the keys on the laptop, my stomach growling, the fan on the laptop
Thing you can’t live without: family, telly, internet, eyeliner, water, toilet paper
Thing you do when you’re bored: sleep, read, surf, watch tv, eat
4 Places you’ve been today
1. School
2. Blockbuster
3. Walgreens
4. Mailbox
5. Van
3 People you can tell anything to (honestly, there are a few others, too, but they don't fit here)
1. W
2. Buggy
3. BYB
2 choices
Black or white? Black
Hot or cold? Cold
ONE WORD ONLY
This Moment: quiet
Your Shoes: off
Craving: chicken
The State of Your Home: chaotic
Annoyed By: my ass
Noise In the Background: traffic
Really Want To: shower
Thinking About: answers
Smelling: nothing
Favorite Product In Office Supply Aisle: Sharpies
Don't Ever Want To: wrinkle
Your Eye Color: blue
The Weather: frustrating
Have Never Tried: sushi
Think Everyone Should Try: carsex
Last Vacation Destination: Florida
The Last Thing You Had to Drink: water
Your Bad Habit: bitchiness
What You're Going To Do Now: snack
10 Favorites
Color: blue
Food: grilled chicken
Month: Ocotber
Song: Smooth-Rob Thomas, Santana
Film: For the moment it's About A Boy
Sport: Fantasy Football
Season: Fall
Day of the week: Sunday
Flavor ice cream: Butter Pecan
Time of day: 9 pm...it's quiet
9 Currents
Mood: Bored
Taste: Eclectic
Clothes: pink-striped, flannel jammie pants and a blue pullover
Desktop: kids
Toenail color: natural...I'm holding out for sandal season
Time: 8:10 PM CST
Surroundings: lying on my bed with the laptop (seriously, it would be hard to do so with a desktop) and no tv or anything else n
Thoughts: I'm really uncomfortable sitting like this
Company: Me, myself and I
8 Firsts
Best friend: Mary Lynn
Kiss: Rex E. at a bday party in 7th grade during spin-the-bottle; His brother, Scott, was the first boy I kissed for "real".
Lover: Chris. A very, very long time ago.
Screen name: fivesmom
Pet: a puppy named Socks that ran away/got killed.
Piercing: Ears - 4th grade
Crush: Donnie Osmond
Cd: Hootie and the Blowfish, maybe?
7 Lasts
Cigarette: sometime in college when I was rip-roaring drunk, I'm sure
Drink: wine was during Christmas; sugar-free generic grape Kool-Aid thingy was about 10 minutes ago
Car Ride: about an hour ago to Walgreens and Blockbuster
Kiss: from Sam before he went to bed
Film seen: Dreamgirls
Phone call: from W.
CD Played: a mix of stuff that I sing to in the car...specifically Kerosene by Miranda Lambert
6 Have You Ever’s
Dated one of your best girl/guy friends? Patrick in college--huge mistake in one way because I ended up screwing that up big time on many accounts, but I suppose it led me to where I am now
Broken the law? Yes
Been arrested? Nope
Skinny Dipped? No
Been on TV? Yes
Kissed someone you didn’t know? I knew first name--does that count?
5 Things
Thing you are wearing: shirt, sports bra, jammie pants, panties and socks
Thing you’ve done today: supervised Saturday Schoolers, graded Beowulf tests, looked for Mardi Gras-themed party supplies for a dance, cooked dinner, chatted with Buggy on Yahoo.
Thing you can hear right now: the central unit, the water in the boys' bathroom, the keys on the laptop, my stomach growling, the fan on the laptop
Thing you can’t live without: family, telly, internet, eyeliner, water, toilet paper
Thing you do when you’re bored: sleep, read, surf, watch tv, eat
4 Places you’ve been today
1. School
2. Blockbuster
3. Walgreens
4. Mailbox
5. Van
3 People you can tell anything to (honestly, there are a few others, too, but they don't fit here)
1. W
2. Buggy
3. BYB
2 choices
Black or white? Black
Hot or cold? Cold
ONE WORD ONLY
This Moment: quiet
Your Shoes: off
Craving: chicken
The State of Your Home: chaotic
Annoyed By: my ass
Noise In the Background: traffic
Really Want To: shower
Thinking About: answers
Smelling: nothing
Favorite Product In Office Supply Aisle: Sharpies
Don't Ever Want To: wrinkle
Your Eye Color: blue
The Weather: frustrating
Have Never Tried: sushi
Think Everyone Should Try: carsex
Last Vacation Destination: Florida
The Last Thing You Had to Drink: water
Your Bad Habit: bitchiness
What You're Going To Do Now: snack
Here's to '07
This is really going to be my year. I can just feel it. Somewhere among the chaos and confusion and carnage that is sure to lie ahead, I will be celebrated for the spectacular person that I really am. Or, if that doesn't pan out, I feel confident that I will at least look fanfuckingtastic since I am now losing weight and actually eating in a somewhat healthy manner. No matter about those things, though, because the one thing that is guaranteed to make 2007 the best damn year ever is this:
BUBBLEHEAD IS RETIRING!
Yes, kids, you heard it here first. The worst boss in the history of bosses is, after much pain and suffering on the part of her staff, riding off into the florescent glow of the Hobby Lobby lights and bidding us farewell as of June 30. There are simply not words to describe my glee, my exuberance, my outright ecstasy at this turn of events.
Needless to say, we won't be shedding to many tears on June 30 and we may all be shitfaced, rolling drunk from celebrating on July 1. All I know is that suddenly 2007 became my all-time favorite year and I'm going to savor every day of it.
*edited to remove details that were a little to personal and potentially identifying*
BUBBLEHEAD IS RETIRING!
Yes, kids, you heard it here first. The worst boss in the history of bosses is, after much pain and suffering on the part of her staff, riding off into the florescent glow of the Hobby Lobby lights and bidding us farewell as of June 30. There are simply not words to describe my glee, my exuberance, my outright ecstasy at this turn of events.
Needless to say, we won't be shedding to many tears on June 30 and we may all be shitfaced, rolling drunk from celebrating on July 1. All I know is that suddenly 2007 became my all-time favorite year and I'm going to savor every day of it.
*edited to remove details that were a little to personal and potentially identifying*
Knock, Knock, Knock
anyone home?
I don't really know HOW I managed to fuck things up so utterly and completely with my server and my blogger publishing, but it was totally fubar. Thankfully, the Bug made me do it. I was IM'ing with her and I realized how much I was missing out on by being a cyberhermit, so here I am. I've got lots of pent-up issues, so beware.
I'm sure I'm missing people's links, so if you've got them to share, please let me know.
I don't really know HOW I managed to fuck things up so utterly and completely with my server and my blogger publishing, but it was totally fubar. Thankfully, the Bug made me do it. I was IM'ing with her and I realized how much I was missing out on by being a cyberhermit, so here I am. I've got lots of pent-up issues, so beware.
I'm sure I'm missing people's links, so if you've got them to share, please let me know.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Feel Better at My Expense
Unless your Labor Day weekend involves:
Gocery shopping not once, but twice.
Cleaning your stove.
Shopping at Wal Mart with small children.
Cleaning a pantry.
Sorting shitloads of laundry.
Vacuuming until Dyson himself would pass out from exhaustion.
Cleaning boys' bathrooms.
then you can safely assume that my weekend sucked a million and half times worse than yours did.
Gocery shopping not once, but twice.
Cleaning your stove.
Shopping at Wal Mart with small children.
Cleaning a pantry.
Sorting shitloads of laundry.
Vacuuming until Dyson himself would pass out from exhaustion.
Cleaning boys' bathrooms.
then you can safely assume that my weekend sucked a million and half times worse than yours did.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
On a Roll...
Since I've been pissy, might as well continue:
1. If your only argument to a debate about the Ten Commandments in public is showing an outdated website with pictures of various buildings that have all been proven to actually counter your argument, then shut the fuck up.
2. If you have nothing to add to a discussion other than smack-downs for people who are smarter than you, can write in complete sentences or disagree with you, then shut the fuck up.
3. If you are an elected official in a mid-sized Tennessee county and you think it makes sense to build a new elementary school and then not approve a tax increase to fund the additional expenses thereby ensuring that the teachers will get no raise, but the county employees get a 4.07% raise AND longevity pay that we don't get, then shut the fuck up.
4. If you are an official in that same county and you paid a quarter of a million dollars to have an outiside firm of experts spend months analyzing every department and making suggestions on how to run more efficiently and inexpensively and you think you know more than them with your high school diploma and your vast business experience as a line-worker in a factory or a farmer that's gone bankrupts, then shut the fuck up.
5. If you were responsible for the horrible fashion experiement of lilac trimmed with black, shut the fuck up.
6. If you are responsible for creating, designing, voicing, directing or producing Xiolin Showdown shut the fuck up and then spontaneously combust.
7. If you are on the Fashion Police on E! and you think that ever man that wore a tux was "safe" and thus, only had a guy with a dickie or a soul patch left to praise, then shut the fuck up.
8. If you have anything to do with Max Factor mascara only being available at Wal Mart shut the fuck up, too. You are the anti-christ.
I feel better now.
1. If your only argument to a debate about the Ten Commandments in public is showing an outdated website with pictures of various buildings that have all been proven to actually counter your argument, then shut the fuck up.
2. If you have nothing to add to a discussion other than smack-downs for people who are smarter than you, can write in complete sentences or disagree with you, then shut the fuck up.
3. If you are an elected official in a mid-sized Tennessee county and you think it makes sense to build a new elementary school and then not approve a tax increase to fund the additional expenses thereby ensuring that the teachers will get no raise, but the county employees get a 4.07% raise AND longevity pay that we don't get, then shut the fuck up.
4. If you are an official in that same county and you paid a quarter of a million dollars to have an outiside firm of experts spend months analyzing every department and making suggestions on how to run more efficiently and inexpensively and you think you know more than them with your high school diploma and your vast business experience as a line-worker in a factory or a farmer that's gone bankrupts, then shut the fuck up.
5. If you were responsible for the horrible fashion experiement of lilac trimmed with black, shut the fuck up.
6. If you are responsible for creating, designing, voicing, directing or producing Xiolin Showdown shut the fuck up and then spontaneously combust.
7. If you are on the Fashion Police on E! and you think that ever man that wore a tux was "safe" and thus, only had a guy with a dickie or a soul patch left to praise, then shut the fuck up.
8. If you have anything to do with Max Factor mascara only being available at Wal Mart shut the fuck up, too. You are the anti-christ.
I feel better now.
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