A Few Things

1. My neice gave birth at 21 weeks this morning. Needless to say, the baby did not survive. While a baby was positively the LAST thing this child needed (she's 20 and already has a 5-year-old with mega special needs), I am so sad that a beautiful baby girl is an angel now.

2. Tomorrow my mini-me turns nine. NINE. I just do not see HOW this is possible; I mean, come on, there is no way that I am anywhere near old enough to have a nine-year-old as one of my 'little' boys. If he's nine, that means Sam is seven, which means I am..........shit. Old, that's what I am. Here are Jay and I in a self-portrait at the state fair back in September on some ride that nearly shook our livers out. BTW, that's not my finger in front of me, even though it looks like it is. I'm just doing the Myspace duck lip look...he's got the gangsta fingers flyin'.

3. My school collects aluminum pull tabs. Sorry, Estee. It's not a legend.

4. I like wine. A lot. I wish I had more money for it.

5. The people who make policy in education in Tennessee, as well as at a national level, are buffoons. As long as education is a political issue, it will continue to be mired in b.s. Our state is now going to require FOUR years of math and science. Okay. I can almost, sort of, live with that. But the fourth math? Must be higher than Algebra II. Um, okay. That leaves trig, calculus, pre-calculus or statistics. That also means that everyone has to take Algebra II. Quick, think back to high school--do ya think everyone in your class could have/would have passed Algebra II? Uh, not just no, but fuck no. Yet the PTB seem to think that kids have magically gotten smarter over the generations and will just embrace higher-order math skills because they have to. Yeah, right. Their asses will be dropping like flies...hello, NCLB target list. WOOT!

6. I need someone to create a viable protein pill so that I can live off of popcorn and Lorna Doones. Get to work on that, mmmkay smart peeps?

7. I actually had a reason to come post, but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was.

8. Did I mention that I love wine? That probably explains number 7.

9. W. made me chocolate chip cookies. He's ridiculously good to me.

10. I did not get my living room clean per the previous post. I did get the bathroom cabinet and counter and drawers cleaned up and the kitchen sort of straightened. It was cloudy and cold and gloomy and I ended up succombing to the pull of the aforementioned domestic epicenter.

11. For some reason I am leaning back as I type this. Turning my head to the right, too. I'm almost cross-eyed and in a backbend while I sit here. I do believe that it is due to numbers 7 and 4 and thus, I must go to bed.

Sunday Plans

I am going to go on record in a mildly public forum and 'fess up to the fact that I have been an utter and complete slug for months. Since I hurt my knee and back in October/November, I have used every excuse in the book to do NOTHING.

At this point, I need to go on record thanking W. for not kicking my slacker ass to the curb because when I say nothing, I mean NOTHING. Nada. Not a damn thing. Our house is the biggest mess it has ever been. Laundry is everywhere. Suitcases and totes from every trip I've taken since summer are strewn around in various places. We still have a Christmas decoration on the coffee table (although in my defense, it was given to us after Christmas and I don't know where to put it because candles are involved).

Part of the problem is the knee--that is true. But that's really only an excuse from December 19 forward. The months before can only be blamed on being overwhelmed and the fact that I worked or had other engagements pretty much every Saturday from August unti I had knee surgery.

So the piles have grown larger, the dust deeper and the chaos great. I started plowing through some of it today, but I just didn't get motivated. It was cold as hell in the house and very gloomy outside, so I kept being drawn to my domestic epicenter, the couch. Tomorrow it is supposed to be warmer and sunnier, so I'm going to jack myself up off the couch and get something done. Homer is still around, but he doesn't really inhibit movement as long as I watch how I turn.

Thus, tomorrow, I clean. I am tired of cringing when someone knocks on the front door, so I'm going to tackle the living room and clean it from top to bottom. Vacuum, dust, freshen, straighten, everything. Once that's cleaned up, I'm going to clean my under my bathroom counter so I can get the piles of junk off of the top and clean that, too. Finally, I'm going to put away all of my clothes that have been thrown in piles here and there. I think it's time to clean out the dresser drawers again so I have room to put the clothes that I actually wear.

I also have to get the kids' stuff ready for the week. I'm tired of running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Tired to death of it.

I will post tomorrow night to be accountable. Perhaps the risk of public humiliation will goad me into action.

Trading Spaces....New is Not Always Better

I was a fan of TS from the very earilest days...and then they lost Ty and brought in new designers that I wasn't crazy about and had that horrible spin off Boy vs Girls and the family version, etc. Getting rid of Paige was the final straw, although I admit that I'd long since quit watching at that point.

Well, I saw that Paige was coming back, so today I tuned in to an episode on one of the digital cable channels...D-something. I was happy to see she was on this one, but almost immediately I realized that TS has sort of lost its oooomph for me.

The obviously scripted/prompted discussions are annoying and fake.

I do not like the new designers--Kia (is that her name?) and Edward. Blech.

I hate, hate, hate a theme room...who the FUCK would want a pyramid a la Egypt in their bedroom? Especially when the rest of the house is already done very tastefully and classicly? EGYPT?

Even the discussions with Amy Wynn are missing something. It just doesn't have the same panache that it used to. I fear that Trading Spaces is dead to me and that is sort of sad....and it really makes me long for the days when BBCAmerica would show my all-time favorite home show, Changing Rooms. Is that one even still on? I need to go check because I'm not going to be watching this drek anymore.

What a SHIT Day

1. I didn't get a snow day--damn weather people had me all jacked up thinking that we'd have freezing rain and sleet this morning and traffic would be a nightmare. Yeah, whatever. The roads were WET. Out in the country there was ice on some bridges, but the nimrods in charge don't drive outside of the city limits or off the state roads, so we were in school.

2. Homer 2.0 has appeared. Dandy. Just fucking dandy.

3. Fred Thompson dropped out of the Republican race...oh, wait, that's not a shit thing.

4. I'm freezing.

5. Heath Ledger is dead. I almost wrecked in the parking lot of Kroger when I heard it on the radio.

I just want to go to bed.

Ding, Dong, Homer's Gone!

Well, he's greatly reduced, anyway. The doctor took pity on me today and let me walk-in. He was suitably impressed with the size and depth of Homer--he compared it to a small child--and promptly had me on the table and proceeded to numb it, then drain it and then shoot the empty cavern full of cortisone. Nikki the Nurse wrapped me with a compression bandage that I have to leave on for 24 hours (it is bugging to no end right now because the velcro is pokey). There is still a little bit of fluid in there, but hopefully this will take care of him. I go back to see the doctor on the 31st and hopefully Homer will be a distant memory.

I Think Being Famous Might Suck A Lot

Sure, the money would be fantastic and who WOULDN'T like to be able to go where ever you want, but tonight at Kroger I realized how absolutely sucky it would be to have paps following you around when you are just trying to live.



Why would this revelation come to me, you ask? Well, it's like this. Here in my little corner of Tennessee (metaphoric corner, of course, since I live in Middle Tennessee which is decidedly corner-free), we are experiencing a little Arctic weather--I think the high today was like 23, which, in said metaphoric corner of Tennessee, translates to minus 40 someplace like North Dakota or, for the rest of our Southern or Western friends can best be assessed as butt ass cold. We heat with our woodstove and supplement with our gas central unit. I was gone for the weekend with the boys and W. was at home alone, so in typical Scrooge McW fashion, he kept it pretty darn cold here. I immediately shed my blue jeans and cute Old Navy cotton sweater w/Gap tneck (Goodwill tops and ebay jeans--grand total was less than $25 and I looked very chic with my cute black cap that I grabbed at KMart on clearance for 2.99 and gray scarf that I found at Aeropostale for 70% off the $12.99 sale...I do love bargains) and I threw on some sweats and a sweatshirt, heavy socks, the cold-weather works, you know?



I had to take W. to work (bless his heart, he's working 7-7 night shift tonight) and was freezing even more so in the car. Once I got home, I decided that I really needed some popcorn because I had to watch two episodes of TAR and some other DVR stuff. Naturally, I was out of popcorn. That alone would not have made me brave the cold to make my way to Kroger, but then I realize that we were out of milk, so I decided that I had to make a grocery run. I was wearing deidedly UNCUTE clothing...Five's track pants that are uber wide legged and baggy, one of W.'s xxl seatshirts and then a fleece over that (ftr, when you put a men's small fleece over a men's 2x sweatshirt, the effect is mushy to say the least). Because it was so cold, I wrapped my previously-mentioned gray scarf all around my neck and up to my ears. Add in my cute black hat again and some fuzzy gloves and I was set. As I was walking in, I had a fleeting thought, "I hope I don't see anyone that I know here." And then it hit me--it would SUCK to feel I had to dress up to go to Kroger.

As any teacher will tell you, being seen out IRL can be somewhat unnerving. Since I teach in a K-12 school, the little ones know me. When I'm shopping, I'll hear, "That's her!" or "Look, Mommy, there's Mrs. Sam's Mom!" God forbid anyone have a camera with them.

Anyway, I went into Kroger and caught a glimpse of myself on the overhead tv monitor and suddenly felt sorry for Julia Roberts for a second--I mean, the grocery is a place we should be able to dash in dressed one step up (or down in my case) from pajamas and do your business. I kept pulling my hat down lower and lower as I shopped to keep from being recognized. I can almost sort of see why Britney might go around the bend, kwim? Not that me going to Kroger is an event in anyone's mind, but that feeling that everyone is looking at you is bad enough when you're normal like and in reality no one actually IS looking. For her, though, you know they're looking and photographing and then bitchy chicks like me will be blogging about it. It would take a lot of Hermes bags and sporty Mercedes convertibles to make that all right.

Mimetic

That would be today's word--meaning imitate, btw, for those of you, like me, who had never heard of said word.

Coincedentally, while here at the hacienda de los parents, Sam was outside their sliding door making weird arm gestures and staring intently at my father. We both thought Sam was asking for something, so Daddy was like, "What do you need, Sam?"

More wild gesturing and very solemn face.

"What is it, Sam?!"

My sister glanced up and said, "Oh, he's just being a mime in a box. Nothing's wrong."

Sure enough, when asked, Sam did indicate that he was Marcel Marceauing himself through Basic Mime Box 101 and that all was well...as well as it CAN be when your seven-year-old is imitating a mime, I suppose.

Flashback!!

Sister and I are hanging at my parents' house for the weekend in honor of my sister's bday and Christmas. Via the wonder that is myspace, I tracked down a guy from high school that was in the band with us and he's doing karaoke at a bar here, so S. and I went to see him tonight. It was rather eerie because he and my sister both look VERY much like they did in high school (a few pounds, but otherwise no change). Then we listened to loads of singers performing songs from our 80's high school days--most of them were fairly decent, which was suprising. I'm sure the quality declined as the night went on.

I've been coming to Chattanooga on a fairily regular basis and it's been sort of like a time warp for me in a way. I grew up here (for the most part, we moved to the area when I was seven and left when I was twenty), but once I got married and the parentals moved to WV, I stopped going down there, so that was a span of nearly 15 years that I was out of the loop. Now coming back it's rather bizarre to see how things change and stay the same.

The Word of the Day is Palpable

Homer is still very palpable. Dr. said two weeks...it's been two tomorrow and no signs of leaving any time soon. I'm so over this. I'm tired of not being able to walk normally or put weight on my knee with any certainty.

In other news, I now have heat in my van--I'd been driving around under a down throw and a fleece while bundled up like Nanook of the North's older, grumpier sister with a military fettish (I don't own a coat, so I wore W.'s Army jacket and I don't have decent gloves, so I snagged Jay's black and white camo fleeces). Oh, and the only way to keep the windshield clear was to run the A/C. It was 29 degrees or so the past two days.

I'm ready for a snow day, dammit.

Meet Homer

The unfortunate, disgusting, egg-sized hematoma that has taken up residence on the back of my knee;

This was taken on December 29, so I still had stitches and quite a bit of swelling around the actual knot. It looks less scabby now and the bruising that you can sort of see on the lower right and swelling that is all around the top left are gone. Homer is much more red now for some reason (I suppose because of all the blood that's under there?) and is mushier sometimes. Other times, he's rock-hard and really sore.

The side view is a little wanky looking because of all the swelling--this ridiculously unflattering shot makes it look as if I don't have a kneecap. That swelling has gone way down, and that actually makes Homer stick out more from the side now than he did in this pic because all the puffiness around him is gone. Damn, I need to go tan.

The ortho says that it can take two weeks (which would be Thursday) or so to diminish. I can't imagine how it will be gone by then.

Homer is my body's way of reacting to the removal of a Baker's cyst that was evidently quite large. I had six stiches to close the incision, and that is, from all I've been told, a big ass incision for a Baker's cyst. Lucky me, right? The only upside is the lovely Demerol. I'm down to one dose a day now--just at night or after lots of walking and bending. Sitting at my desk all day today really did a number on him--Homer doesn't like being crushed when I cross my legs or sit with them bent, but he likes to wait and remind me of that two or three hours later when he grips my leg in paralyzing spasms and throbbing pain when I walk. He calls in all his fluid friends and they have a party around my kneecap. Good times, good times...I just invite Demerol and plant myself on the couch.

Now, admit it--you came to the blog purely out of morbid curiousity. Reveal yourself in the comments if you aren't too grossed out by the image.

MM if you're reading this...

I cannot comment on your blog for some effed up Blogger/Google reason.

Can someone pass this along to her, please? I suddenly feel like I speak a different language when I can't comment. Ugh.

Randomness

1. On my design in the previous blog, I thought the print was black, hence the red belt and black tank. I only later realized that the print was actually more maroon, which really made it look rather spastic. This is not unlike the navy socks I wore with black shoes not too long ago (why I even OWN navy socks is a question that I still cannot answer since I own no navy shoes or pants).

2. Dr. Phil is a wanker.

3. I can't quite put my finger on why I want to put my fingers in my ears and chant "La, la, la, la, la" when Hilary Clinton is talking, but I just do.

4. I could never vote for a man named Mitt.

5. I feel sorry for crazy Britney Spears.

6. There are only so many ways one can wear yoga pants and still create an interesting look.

7. The god-awful hematoma on the back of my knee (it is at least the size of an egg) refuses to shrink or drain. I have to admit that I am actually hoping it will somehow just pop, rather like the world's biggest zit (but only if I am at home. God forbid it should happen at Kroger).

8. I have LOST my new underwear. Not in an exciting or sleazy way, mind you. I just cannot figure out where I put the packages that I bought at Fred's before Christmas.

9. Fred's and Roses intrigue me in a way that I simply cannot explain. They are both meccas of white trash bargains, but I am inexplicably drawn to them and find myself looking at CLOTHING there. I bought three shirts and a pair of Levi's at Roses recently (ask me what size those jeans are. Just ask me). I do not own any clothing from Fred's, but my favorite gloves (one of which I have lost, natch) came from there.

10. Chocolate Lucky Charms, or the generic version thereof, makes me happy.

if you're bored

Go desig outfits on bravo's website! It's fun, if a bit mindless. People can vote on your design--my first one is here.

ever noticed?

It is much easier to plan things to do on your day off than it is to actually execute them? I had a long list of things that I couldn't wait to tackle today, but instead of working like a little bee, I've been dozing like a big ol' sloth. I got home from my doctor's appointment where I had stitches rather painfully removed and went straight for the pain meds and the couch. I've been here ever since--sort of half asleep, half awake. I've no real idea of what I've done for the past almost-three hours. I've read various online blatherings, checked my email, looked up vitamins and watched about 30 minutes of Atonement on a bootleg website (Keira Knightley's jaw bothers me to no end). I am fighting the urge to just hunker down, cover my head and go to sleep. Trying to decide why it would be a bad idea.

Playing Hookey

Tomorrow is the first day back to work after Christmas break. It's a teacher work day, which is a great thing, but I'm only going in for a few hours and then I'm going to be homebound until Monday. I'm staying home to let the knee get a little bit better before I take a chance on going to work for a long day. I have my disability insurance, which will pay me for the days, so I decided to take it easy and not strain the knee. It's still looking pretty nasty and I don't go back to the doctor until Thursday.

I've got a lot of stuff to do around the house, so hopefully I'll be able to get a few things done without my three helpers under foot. For now, I'm going to sit around and watch some more Law and Order marathon on TNT and enjoy mynew flannel jammies, cozy slippers and fabulous down throw. I had a very lovely Christmas.